Braving the Storm with Eric Gaudion

Makeover Over!

2012-02-02T19:56:00.001Z

The building in which the St Peter Port Elim Church meets in Guernsey has completed its makeover and the scaffolding has finally disappeared. So, the place is ready for a new lease of life, and a new influx of people meeting Jesus!
Bring it on, Lord!

Eldad Elim Church

The Fruitless Pursuit of Perfection

2012-01-26T17:04:00.000Z

How are your New Year's resolutions doing? Are they in tatters yet? Perhaps not. Maybe your new found self-discipline is lasting well, but please spare a thought for the rest of us and keep quiet about it! Both Diane and I would like to lose half a stone each in weight before our son's wedding in May - but hey - in the light of all we have been through it doesn't really matter, does it? Diane says 'there is hope for any woman who can stand in front of her mirror and laugh at what she sees!' I think the same is true for men too. Being at ease in your own skin is such a healthy place to be. Mind you, I still want to lose that paunch!

Liz Jones, diarist and fashion writer for the Mail on Sunday, took a look back at her diaries since 1978 in last Sunday's YOU magazine. She noted the same resolutions in many of them. 'Jog, Ex-foliate, Tan, Pluck' she wrote time and again. 'That just about sums up my life. An endless, ultimately fruitless, pursuit of perfection.' If that describes you, then I feel for you and for Liz, but surely life is more than that? What we are in the body is not all that we are. Whatever size we may be or however ugly we feel, we are made in the image of God and He delights in doing us good. The greatest good is the experience of acceptance and peace that comes from finding His forgiveness and the inner beauty of a life transformed by His love.

Liz went on to say that in 2012 her list has become 'Filler, IPL, Botox, Teeth Steam, Full set of Lashes, Airbrush Tan, Hair Dye, Brazilian (must be to do with coffee!!), and Gel Pedicure.' Now that's an expensive pursuit of perfection if ever I saw one.

Happy Birthday to a Great Lady!

2012-01-17T18:36:00.000Z

What a day and a weekend it has been! Diane has celebrated her 60th birthday in style. Last Saturday evening she thought she was going to a quiet family meal out with Matthew, our son, and Sarah his fiancée. As they welcomed us into the hotel they led Diane through a curtain to where they said their 'table' was. Behind that curtain 35 relatives and friends lay in wait to greet her with cries of 'happy birthday' and 'surprise!!' It certainly was a surprise. Diane and I have never had a secret (except one other - remind me to tell you about it some time) so she turned to me with an exclamation that could have been mouthed by Hattie Jacques in the sixties sitcom 'Eric Sykes' - 'Oh Eric!' I wondered if I would be spending the night in the shed. It was very cold that night so I hoped not, and as it turned out all was well! She was delighted and blessed by so many people who are dear to us both and we spent a wonderful evening just being grateful that we are both still alive!

Today (the 17th Jan) is her actual birthday and so the house is full of flowers, cards, balloons and gifts. Some very dear friends, knowing her love of all things homely and made of china, gave her this tea set in which each piece is labelled 'joy' 'hope' or 'peace'. Others have clubbed together to give her a travel voucher, so I don't know where she will end up! All in all a tremendous experience and a great start to a new decade.

Our forties were really hard, marred by my serious ill health. Our fifties were just as tough as we laboured together through over 60 hospital admissions and countless operations. Boy are we looking forward to our sixties! (You realise, of course, that I married an older woman - but not by much!).

Happy Birthday wonderful lady!

Independent or Free?

2012-01-11T20:02:00.000Z

I am half Scottish - my late Mum was a Glaswegian. They say that a Scotsman is a wit, so I am not sure what that makes me! As a boy growing up in Guernsey I was very proud of my Mum's tartan and all things Scottish. Hogmanae - what they call New Year north of the border - was always a great time in our family, with Mum making all kinds of efforts to have only a dark haired person crossing the threshold first in the new year - 'first footing' as she called it. I would never do because my locks were pale, but I could substitute for the real thing as long as I carried in my hand a piece of coal! Ah, halcyon days of pipers, drums, Scotch pies and Irn Bru (made from real Scottish girders of course).

What my Mother would have made of all this talk of independence if she was still alive I don't know. Mum reckoned that the UK government was really run by Scots anyhow, and that Scottish oil from the North Sea paid all the bills in London already. She would have wanted to be able to vote in any referendum on separation from the UK but I don't think she would have voted 'yes' - but I may be doing her a injustice. You see, my Mum loved the Queen and anything to do with the monarchy. She would have no time at all for the idea of an independent Scotland under a president, not even an elected one. Maybe she would have tolerated an idea similar to that which obtains here in Guernsey where the government is independent of Westminster but loyal to the Crown. Sadly, I can't ask her now.

Independence is the great longing that accompanies democracy, prosperity and development. We see it manifest all around the world from Latvia to South Sudan. Yet in some ways the developed world is less free and independent than it has ever been. Great blocks of nations like the EU and OAU are letting go of huge areas of their sovereignty to have the benefits of belonging to something larger. In an increasingly troubled world we need one another. For me, that's one of the biggest reasons why I seek to be part of a local church, which in turn relates to a wider family of churches. As one of Scotland's most famous sons, John Donne, said after all, 'no man is an island entire of itself'.

For the Christian, our loyalty to our monarch, Jesus Christ, means that we surrender our independence to Him, in whom we then find real freedom. The great Scottish theologian and preacher George Mathesan, also born in Glasgow, expressed it this way...

Make me a captive, Lord, 
and then I shall be free. 
Force me to render up my sword, 
and I shall conqueror be. 
I sink in life's alarms 
when by myself I stand; 
imprison me within thine arms, 
and strong shall be my hand.

My will is not my own 
till thou hast made it thine; 
if it would reach a monarch's throne, 
it must its crown resign. 
It only stands unbent 
amid the clashing strife, 
when on thy bosom it has leant, 
and found in thee its life.

Fatter but not Fitter

2012-01-02T15:47:00.000Z

Wow - was I ever that thin? Diane hasn't changed a bit, of course, but did they feed students at Elim Bible College in the early 1970's? I think not.

One of the joys of my recovery from the awful pain of chronic pancreatitis is that I can now eat without agony. Great when you are celebrating Christmas but not so great when New Year comes. Now I definitely feel the pinch as my belt asks 'are you sure about this?' and there is a lot less view of my feet than there used to be. I reckon I am not alone in this. The millions spent on the Weight Watchers' advert on UK TV testify to the commonality of this problem. We are all getting fatter - well many of us are - but are we getting any fitter? The difference is down to an increase in the weight of accumulated fat and fluid as against the weight of muscle tissue. The former makes flab whilst the latter is 'fab' (still thinking 1970's!).

Then, how about my faith? Is it flabby and tired or growing in effective muscle-weight? What causes muscle growth in the Kingdom of Heaven? Well, I suppose, much the same as in every other human realm. Exercise and diet, all part of a healthy lifestyle. Wait a minute though, exercise hurts. It only does your muscles any good, apparently, if it does hurt. Maybe that's why the experiences we go through that cause us to grow spiritually are all the painful ones? Diet is all a matter of self-control. No easy answers there then, no matter what the adverts promise us. So maybe a good diet for my faith requires similar self-control: taking care about what I watch, what I read and who I mix with. Mmm.

I think churches need to ask similar questions. Are we getting fatter or fitter? If congregations grow at the expense of other surrounding churches then they may just be getting fat! What they need is more muscle-weight. People of robust faith exercising it more! And doing so in an atmosphere of love and grace.

So - what about you this New Year? Fatter or fitter?

No Vacancies

2011-12-23T11:03:00.000Z

If Mary and Joseph were to arrive in Bethlehem today having travelled from Nazareth they would have found an even bigger problem than they did then. It's very difficult to get in! Just as 'David's Town' is playing host to huge crowds of international visitors, the people of Bethlehem themselves, many of them Christians, are struggling under the restrictions being placed upon them by the Israeli authorities. Father Ibrahim Shomali told the Guardian newspaper this week how he thinks the 'holy couple' might fare today. "If Jesus were to come this year, Bethlehem would be closed," says the priest of Bethlehem's Beit Jala parish. "He would either have to be born at a checkpoint or at the separation wall. Mary and Joseph would have needed Israeli permission – or to have been tourists." Bethlehem is no longer the place we imagine it to be. Welcome to the real world of the 21st Century Middle East!

But then, this would not be the shock to them that Father Ibrahim imagines. There was already a 'no vacancies' sign where the young couple wanted to stay. Luke's gospel calls it 'the Inn' and says that for the lady bearing the Son of God there was no room. In the original language of the gospel the word translates better as 'guest-chamber' and probably describes that part of the upstairs family accommodation in a typical two-storey dwelling of the period. Family and guests were upstairs, animals and their mangers were downstairs. So, maybe Joseph went to his own family relations expecting to be housed there and was refused. His only option was to place his little family down among the animals where God's Son and his step-son could be born in warmer conditions than outside on the street. Bethlehem behaves the same then, in 1st and 21st Centuries!

What about my home? How warm is the welcome in my heart for the Son of God this Christmas? Is there room for my family - all cosy around a fire - but Jesus finds his place in some draughty church building or even out on the street? Perhaps the real lesson of the suffering residents of Bethlehem today is that the work of the Prince of Peace is now needed more than ever even in our sophisticated world.

O Little Town of Bethlehem How Sad we see Thee Lie!

Christmas Come Alive!

2011-12-14T17:13:00.000Z

This was the scene in Nazareth Village last week when Matthew and I visited there as part of our special week in Israel. We took this time out to be just 'father and son' together in advance of Matthew getting married early in 2012 and my starting work again. It was just great to be touring such special places together. We hired a car and a Jewish tour guide and saw some spectacular places. This moment in Nazareth saw us in a re-enactment of a first century Jewish 'carpenter's shop' such as Joseph worked in and Jesus grew up in. Nearby was a first century wine-press which would almost certainly have been a centre of community gatherings at times of the year for Mary, Joseph and their special son. All of this helped to prepare us for this special season of Christmas - yet knowing Christ today is so much more important than visiting the places that he walked in 2,000 years ago. Having said that, it adds a certain colour to our seasonal celebrations to be more able to picture the events and the atmosphere of that time.

Another very special open air place was the Garden of Gethsemane with its ancient olive trees thought by some to date back to the time of Christ. They need protecting and preservation now after the centuries but they still gave us the opportunity to pause and reflect here on what Jesus went through in that garden, and why. Funnily enough, prior to my first visit here I always imagined Gethsemane to be an English country garden with lawns and flower beds perfectly symmetrical in their layout with sprinklers and trimmed bushes! Now that I have seen its stark and dry harshness again I can appreciate how much pain this place meant to Jesus and yet how significant it was to him, and is now to his followers.

Our visit to the Holy Land has given us both food for thought. We thoroughly enjoyed each other's company and the good nature and hard work of our guide Omri. Above all, we were grateful for the health and strength granted to me after my long battle with serious illness and the joy of doing something so different to the scores of trips made to distant hospitals in the past.

Christmas came early for me!

Tragedy in Paradise

2011-11-24T15:42:00.000Z

Yesterday a huge explosion tore through the Hotel Cordial at Puerto Mogan in Gran Canaria where we stayed last June. Reports say that at least one tourist has died whilst many others are seriously hurt, together with members of staff. My brother Andy and his wife Gill, who were married at the resort whilst we were there with them, had returned to the hotel for Gill's birthday and were shaken by the blast. They were staying very near the block of rooms which included the sauna that was blown up in the gas fireball that engulfed it. They saw some of the victims with nearly 100% burns and witnessed the rescue and recovery efforts that continue as I write. They are due to make their way home to Manchester tonight and we are praying for them and for all affected by the tragedy. Andy has said that some of the victims include children and that current estimates of the number of deaths and serious injuries are likely to be exceeded.

Hotel Cordial is the most wonderful, refreshing place to stay under normal circumstances. Puerto Mogan is a lovely fishing village with marinas and is called Little Venice because of its canals and bridges. We loved our time there in the summer. The staff are kind and thoughtful and it must grieve them so that this has taken place. It is a reminder that even a holiday paradise is only an illusion and that the reality of human need and frailty follows us everywhere. Let's pray for all those affected by the shock of this event, and especially for those whose loved ones lie terribly burned or have already died.

Making a New Start

2011-10-31T19:40:00.000Z

Whilst we served Shiloh Church in Guernsey for some years we coined the strap-line for it - 'Helping People Make a New Start'. I always felt it to be the best descriptive phrase about church life that I had ever come across, and now it is coming true for Diane and me too. After more than 4 years of not being able to work because of the agony of chronic pancreatitis, and the all-too-frequent admissions to hospital near home and in London, my situation has improved dramatically. Recently my GP started saying that he thought I might even be well enough to consider starting work again, and for Diane and myself that could only mean one thing - active Christian ministry in one capacity or another. We just love preaching and teaching the Word of God, and mentoring and encouraging Christian leaders, while all the time sharing the good news of the love of God with folk of all faiths and of none. This was our great desire, though the exact details seemed to elude us for a while.

For some weeks we have been praying about this, in particular the possibility of serving the Eldad Elim Church, in St Peter Port Guernsey, as its minister. The present incumbent and my close friend John Bristow will retire in December and he and his wife Iris plan to move to New Zealand. Through different talks and negotiations, both with Elim's National Leadership Team and the Eldad church leaders, we came to the settled conclusion that this is what we should do. Last Sunday morning it was announced to the congregation that Diane and I will be joining them in the New Year, and we are so thrilled that we can even contemplate this. It is a daunting challenge, but one in which we know we will be joining some wonderful people and will learn much from them.

We are so grateful for all your love, support and prayers. To all our friends in the Pancreatitis Supporters Network we say 'hang in there, guys - we can beat this'. To Katie Bassett, a dear Christian friend who is our pain control specialist nurse and who arranged for my implant at Guys' hospital last February, 'God has really used you, Katie. You were really meant to come to Guernsey'. To so many much-loved prayer partners - Brian and Doreen, Hazel, Daphne (and the late Clarence), Jean and David, Jean P, Eileen, Peter and Dorien, Kev and Mary and so so many more - many thanks and don't stop now! There is an encouraging verse in Revelation 3:8 where God says 'I have set before you an open door which no man can shut, and I know that your strength is limited.' If He is leading us to this new start, then all may not be easy, but it will all be well.

A Preacher's Prayer

2011-09-22T14:21:00.000+01:00

Some may find this a bit corny - that's ok, but I found it deeply moving. It reflects the heart of a man who wants to live for God in a challenging world. The desire to live right before God, to build committed relationships, to forgive those who sin against us - all this is expressed in this song. The well-known and much-loved tune Finlandia was not written for these words but offers them a platform that just seems to fit so well.

When I was ordained to the work of the ministry we sang a song written by one of the pioneers of the Elim Pentecostal churches, E C W Boulton. The words remain with me as a very similar cry from the heart as the one sung by Haase and his team.

Move me, dear Lord, and others I shall move to do Thy will;
Mould Thou this life into a vessel fair Thyself to fill;
No charm with which to draw do I possess,
In Thee I find the secret of success.

If you preach, or aspire to do so, this prayer isn't a bad place to begin.

What a Day!

2011-09-09T19:57:00.000+01:00

It is so hard to face this fact - but on this very day, the 9th September 1972, yes, 39 long years ago, Diane and I were married. We had absolutely no idea of the kind of exciting life we were destined to lead. Maybe if we had, at least one of us would have pulled out before the ceremony! The service was held in our home church at Vazon Elim in Guernsey within earshot of the nearby sand races on the beach. The windows of the church building were open and we could hardly hear ourselves think above the roar of motor bike and racing car engines. But I do remember these words:
'I, Eric, do take thee, Diane to be my wedded wife... I will love her, comfort her, honour and keep her, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, will keep myself only unto her, as long as we both shall live.' Diane said the same to me. We meant it. I was at her side as she battled through 13 years of crippling anxiety and depression. Together we faced the issues that were tearing at her peace. Together we found answers that would enable us both to receive not only wholeness, but to go on and serve God in remote corners of the world. Not without fear, but in spite of it.

Then Diane has stayed by my side like a limpet through my 15 year battle with the appalling disease pancreatitis. She has been there for me when I was deep in coma, acting as my advocate in hospitals around the British Isles. She has protected me, prayed for me, believed for me when my faith was failing, waited for me, trusted with me and rejoiced with me in these early days of return from the battlefield. I want her to have the joy of many more years without pain, but this is a partnership that will not be measured in years or even decades.

Without doubt the best part of our wedding day was flying away at the end on honeymoon. We crossed by air to Jersey and in those days the airline used to weigh passengers on a big public scale and then assign your seating according to your weight! As you can see, we did not have too much to be embarrassed about getting on to the scales then - but if it was now! Well, we sat on the pier in Jersey eating chips out of the paper, in a Morris 1100 hire car with no carpets or heater, and just gazed into the distance together. Good thing we could not glimpse what was really up ahead. But Jesus did, and He chose us for each other. We are so grateful that He did.

Peace, be Still!

2011-08-20T11:07:00.000+01:00

I have just spent three days of study break at the beautiful new Elim International Centre at Malvern in the UK. Here my old college has been established after its move from Nantwich in Cheshire and the new facilities are terrific. It was so inspiring to be able to spend significant time in reading, prayer and reflection. Walking up the Malvern Hills, in the armpit of which sits the new Centre, was a special joy. Don't you just feel that there is something unique about high places? I do, and as I gazed out over hundreds of square miles of glorious English countryside, I felt inspired enough to start writing poetry! Now that's a first for me!

Being quiet and still are vital ingredients in catching the whisper of God. I have found it challenging to hear from the Lord during my long battle with pain as agony shouts louder than any competitor. It has sometimes been a real act of discipline to sit and be still in the presence of God when my body has been wracked with pain and my mind clouded by opiates. Now in the aftermath of such wonderful improvement as I have known this year I felt like I had met with an old friend after a long period of being in touch only from a distance.

The most moving part of my dialogue with heaven this week was the flow of repeated assurances in both Bible readings and the whispers in my heart that God's love for me has not diminished. He also seemed to be saying that this is a new season - 'after the storm' - and that the day of fulfillment of so many promises is upon us. If that is so, then thank God for that! All I know is that God seems to come close to us when we can make the space and the time to be still, focused and alone. Try it some time!

Headline News

2011-08-05T11:22:00.000+01:00

I was listening to the morning radio news here in Guernsey. Now I know that this is the time of the year that the news hacks call 'the silly season' - mid summer in Britain - but I was unprepared for the shock of the main story but one. 'Outrage as dog attacks small bird on the beach!' In this small community we get a daily local newspaper which is eagerly read from cover to cover in the majority of homes. We are used to being regaled with lurid reports such as 'Boy falls from bike: taken to A & E'. Don't think for a moment that I minimise the potential danger of falling from bicycles as one poor man did just that over here recently and died as a result. No, it's just the quaintness I suppose of a community where thankfully major crime is rare and small things become newsworthy.

By the way - the dog was being very naughty - and the owner was negligent as there were warning signs nearby. The bird was no ordinary one either - it was a young Oyster Catcher. So, the plot thickens. The headline didn't quite say it all - but it still brings a smile to my lips when I remember that there are places where even the murder of human beings hardly makes news.

And then I thought about a headline from two millennia ago. 'Sale Price of Sparrows Hits an All Time Low - Two Sold for a Penny'. Nothing unusual there you might say. But it's the next bit that grabbed my attention. 'Yet not one of them falls to the ground without God knowing it - and allowing it' (my paraphrase of Matthew 10:29). So maybe the headline writer at BBC Guernsey was right. It is news that a small bird was killed on the beach near here, at least to Almighty God!

When I think about that I take heart. For the very same passage in the Gospel goes on to say that even the very hairs on my head are numbered - and that in God's eyes I am of more value than many sparrows. And so are you. And yes - I will keep my dog on a leash when there are birds about - you never know Who is watching!

Oh What a Glorious Day!!

2011-07-06T17:21:00.000+01:00

Wey hey!! We have just returned from a triumphant time of holiday and family reunion in Gran Canaria, and the real miracle is I have kept well! We went there because my younger brother Andy wanted to marry his fiancee Gill and they had decided to wed in the beautiful resort of Puerto de Mogan - where Andy proposed to Gill just weeks before. So, we set off with a little trepidation because of my record - we have not flown anywhere except to travel to London for hospital admissions and appointments for nearly three years now - but our concerns were groundless. The pain control gizmo I had implanted last February worked a treat and we all had a great time.

On the day of the wedding itself it was really hot, around 30 degrees C, so the service was planned for 6pm. I officiated at the wedding itself - and at the end my shirt looked like I had just been in the pool, as I was soaked in perspiration. The best man was in a similar state, but the groom looked quite calm, and the bride was serenity itself! It was also a real joy to have our son Matthew with us in such an exotic location.

Waiting outside the chapel for the bride

The bride looked lovely in her Canarian made ivory gown and was given away in marriage by her son Martin who is a soldier in the British Army and was dressed in full uniform. Gill, like Andy, was widowed a couple of years ago and it was such a joy to see the two of them being joined together in matrimony.

The Bride and her fine son

So, we thank God that as with our tremendous Easter trip to Cardiff, this journey to the Canary Islands has become a confidence builder in my recovery. We have a real anticipation in our hearts about the adventures that God has planned for us in this next season of our lives - watch this space! Thank you for your interest and prayers, and for the patience and faithfulness of my dear wife Diane who has longed for this day. To God be the glory!

Diane and I outside the Chapel

Bride and Groom cut the cake (with a sword!)

All Sunshine Makes a Desert!

2011-06-25T19:30:00.000+01:00

I suppose we really do need some rain, don't we? Speaking for us here in the Channel Islands we have been receiving some refreshing downpours in the last couple of weeks, but it will be really good to see the sun again. Strange, though, how all sunshine makes a desert eh? You can have too much of a good thing. When we lived in Africa we longed for the changing seasons of life back home in Guernsey. We enviously pictured ourselves walking bent before the howling wind on a freezing day in February with an icicle hanging from our noses. We sat on the beach on Boxing Day and actually missed the cold!! Crazy or what?

But hey, life needs its seasons too. Get over it when clouds form. Is this why the writer of the New Testament letter said 'in all circumstances, rejoice.'? Maybe. I have certainly known some dry and thirsty times when going nil-by-mouth for over 7 weeks last year for instance, and I want to thank God for the rain! Where we live our reservoirs are full, but they would not be for long if we always had the sunshine we crave.

And by the way - talking about the changing seasons of life - it is now 4 months since the neurostimulator was switched on in me and I have not had to go back into hospital once in that period (compared to 10 times last year). Praise God my pain is well under control, and it seems that the pancreatitis has just subsided too. So I really do welcome this new season whatever the weather!

When There's Pain in the Offering

2011-06-01T18:02:00.000+01:00

Nobody likes pain. Not me not you not anybody. And no-one wants to be an expert on pain - who would be so silly? Last Sunday morning I was introduced to an audience as 'Eric is an expert in suffering. He has not only written books about the subject, but he's been there!' Well, if you think I want to be known as an expert in suffering and pain you've got another think coming! I made a joke of it with the gathering - and I think they understood. It's not long since I started public speaking again. For a bloke who has a PhD in preaching it's been really tough to be silent. But it all comes into what the Bible book of Romans calls the 'all things which God makes work together for good' in the lives of those of us who follow Jesus.

So I sat down on a bar stool and began reading from the Bible book of Job (pronounced Joeb). As I did I felt a distinct sense of the presence and power of the Holy Spirit all over me. I still do, because I did something really narcissistic a few minutes ago - I listened to myself speaking on the internet. Weird eh? And I'm still crying. I don't want to be the one who has to share this kind of message - that God allows us to go through dreadful stuff sometimes but remains sovereign - in charge. I don't find it easy, but I do think it is the one thing that many of us need to hear and to know. The devil may be banging us about but God isn't resigning. He's in it for the long haul and I'm grateful. He's really there when there's pain in the offering!

If you want to, you can listen too. http://www.rock.gg/Media/AllMedia.aspx

Pill Popping and Prayer - do they Mix?

2011-05-05T12:07:00.000+01:00

In an age of drug addiction and the abuse of chemicals it is small wonder that Christians find themselves bothered when asked by their doctors to take certain medications to control their illnesses. Among the many different kinds of drugs that are particularly hard to swallow if you are a committed follower of Christ are anti-depressants, tranquillizers and opiates. I have used all three at various times in the long battle with pancreatitis, cholangitis and the emotional fallout of chronic ill health. Just at the moment I really thank God that I am doing better, especially with regard to pain, and so I am weening myself off morphine after a long period of using it in large doses daily in order to cope with excessive pain. Cutting down and coming off these kinds of drugs is a tough and testing process and is taking much longer than I would like, but if you lower the doses slowly in line with medical advice, this can minimise the awful effects of withdrawal.

Despite their place in medicine, I hate taking drugs. In fact, I have so resisted taking medication that I have suffered far more over the years than I need have done, not only from physical symptoms that could have been relieved, but also from emotions like shame, embarrassment, fear and guilt. I remember how sad and ashamed I was to be receiving shots of morphine when in severe pain in a London hospital, especially when the nurse giving me the jabs told me she was a Pentecostal Christian and, like me, believed in Divine healing! It is also so hard to keep taking antidepressants when you are supposed to have 'a joy that the world cannot give' - and you have but it does not meet your immediate medical and emotional needs.

Through all this foolish shame and guilt, I have learned important lessons. Firstly, like sex, these drugs were created by God for the benefit of mankind. Also like sex they have been abused and subverted to serve selfish and evil purposes, but this does not take away their usefulness in medicine, nor their appropriateness for Christians as well as anybody else to take. Secondly, like food, if these substances have been given to man by God, they are to be received with thanksgiving. In fact, the next time you take your pain-killers or your anti-depressant or your HRT or your insulin, it might help to bow your head and say grace! 'Thank you Lord for these little pills that are helping me today. Amen' Thirdly, we have no right to criticise or condemn others who may need medication to get them through a short term crisis or attack of disease. Even though we believe in God's healing power, we don't have to flush the pills away unless we are very sure that it is the right thing to do - right before God and those who are caring for us in His name. We are not against doctors and nurses, after all, we are against suffering and disease!

Let me know if you have struggled with this issue and would like to chat about it. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed, but trust God for healing and recovery in due course, and His love and presence in the meantime.

Time for Change at Last!

2011-04-13T17:04:00.000+01:00

I am really looking forward to Easter this year. I have always enjoyed Easter more than Christmas or any other time of the year, and despite the relatively late arrival of the season it is so welcome this time around. Selfishly, this has a lot to do with the help I have received in overcoming chronic pain. After 15 years of battling with chronic pancreatic pain, one of the worst pains known to man, I have at last found some relief. The neuro-stimulator that was implanted at Guy's Hospital, London, in mid February, and then switched on a couple of weeks later, is proving an over-whelming success! At last, I feel like a new man, and can actually look forward to celebrating this wonderful time of the year.

Diane and I will be travelling to Cardiff in Wales where we will be taking part in the Easter Celebrations in The City Temple, the church where I was the Senior Pastor prior to getting ill. It is such a joy to be able to even plan to do this with any degree of confidence, but that is how powerfully the equipment has affected us both. Praise God for this mercy!

Of course we wish it could have been done sooner. And I still have to be careful with food and abstain from alcohol because of the underlying condition, but it is great to be pain controlled and to be coming off the large amounts of morphine that have been necessary up until now. I am doing that gradually so as to avoid withdrawal symptoms, but am already down to one third of what I was taking a month ago.

I hope that you too will find help, peace, life and healing this Easter. After all, that's what it is all about.

A Prophecy from Satan on the BBC!

2011-04-03T17:57:00.000+01:00

I have just witnessed a prophecy from Satan. Who else would turn the best advice you could ever give to a British audience into an excuse to mock Christians and Christianity - but this guy achieved it in one? I was watching the BBC following a favourite programme and on came this stand-up comic - now he was good, don't get me wrong, and funny, but he really used and abused some of his large audience to get cheap laughs. Then he made his prophetic announcement. 'Ladies and Gentlemen', he yelled, 'we are living in broken Britain'. No arguments there. 'The only hope for this broken society is that we return to two fundamental truths. One, we need to restore the sense of shame to individuals in our day. And two, we need to remind people in Britain today of the reality and the awfulness of Hell.'

Well, the laughter became pretty nervous at this point, but I was riveted to the screen. He asked if there were any Christians among the thousand or so in the audience. One brave young man put his hand up. His name was Josh. I started praying for him. Others had been humiliated by this fast worker and I thought Josh's time had come. Then, the comedian (and I am not going to name him because I don't want anybody else to watch him on iPlayer) started describing the horrors of Hell in lurid extra-biblical terms. His joke became a simple lampooning of the different European accents used to describe the same appalling suffering and what that revealed of the different stereotypical ideas we have about other nationalities.

But I was sure that I had heard a prophecy from a being who knew what he was talking about. A beast that had seen the realities of the after-life without mercy, love, grace, beauty, music or Jesus, and definitely without hope, had spoken, and had done so with this intent. That by making us laugh he could slip in the truth and we would miss its stark message. What broken Britain needs RIGHT NOW is a recovery of its sense of shame, and its understanding of Hell. Please Lord, don't let me laugh about that, and don't EVER let me forget it.

Through the Valley of Death

2011-03-29T11:49:00.002+01:00

There is no greater peace than knowing your sins are forgiven and that when you die, the Prince of Life will invite you into His eternal kingdom. This week three friends of mine have made that transition. They have come to the end of their earthly journey and have gone right on into their heavenly reward. And it is so tough to let them go. There is no pain on earth like the pain of loss and bereavement, but at the same time that is the price of love. Surely it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

It is such an amazing comfort to know that the Jesus we serve is the One who has conquered death and returned to us with the offer of life itself. Here in Guernsey the hedgerows are bursting with colour. All around us the daffodils are blooming, the gorse is heavy with yellow flowers and the primroses and violets are splashed like the overflow of a vivid and generous imagination. What is it all in aid of? Well, the arrival of Spring, of course, and with it the celebration of Easter's great answer to the dark of the grave.

But let me tell you something wonderful, a mystery I’ll probably never fully understand. We’re not all going to die—but we are all going to be changed. You hear a blast to end all blasts from a trumpet, and in the time that you look up and blink your eyes—it’s over. On signal from that trumpet from heaven, the dead will be up and out of their graves, beyond the reach of death, never to die again. At the same moment and in the same way, we’ll all be changed. (1 Corinthians 15:51-53)

So, don't give up hope, and don't let the icy blast of winter fool you either. The Spring is coming, and life will overcome death. And those of us who have trusted Christ and followed Him will dance with Him in the fields of heaven's dawning like lambs enjoying the sheer delight of being alive! Hallelujah! He Lives!

Overwhelmed by good wishes

2011-03-17T16:58:00.000Z

Thank you SO much for all the messages of encouragement and thanksgiving that have come in since my last post with the news that the neurostimulator fitted at Guy's Hospital in February is now switched on and doing its job effectively. After 15 years of battling daily the dreadful pain of recurring acute pancreatitis and chronic pancreatitis I have some relief from its claws. We have both wept tears of gratitude for the research and technical know-how that has provided this equipment, and the care of those who fitted it.

I want to give you the real facts of my situation now, despite the personal nature of this information, not to seek your pity, nor to take away from the wonder of what God has done for us, but in respect for truth and a desire for continued prayer support. This has eased my pain, but the underlying disease and damage done to my pancreas remains. I am really hoping that with the pain defused, any future attacks may be more easily controlled, or that they simply will not occur. We are also both exhausted, and my stamina is low. Recent surgery on top of the many procedures endured before last year and during it, has left me weak. Also, in these early weeks, I am restricted in my movements so as not to undo the effect of the electrodes in my spine. Scar tissue will eventually hold them in place, but that takes time.

I look forward to planned preaching engagements ahead with real joy at resuming my first love - the teaching of God's precious Word. Please pray for needed strength and wisdom to pace myself.

Thank you. God bless you!

Eric's Laws of Do-it-yourself!

2011-03-16T17:33:00.000Z

Every job sets out really simple - of course I can put up a coat-hook - I mean what kind of idiot do you think I am? Well, I did it, but not without proving the home truths of Eric's Laws of Doing it Yourself!
Law 1 It is always harder than it looks
Law 2 You never have the right tools
Law 3 If it can fall off or break it will always land in the most difficult place to retrieve it from
Law 4 If it can go wrong it will go wrong spectacularly
Law 5 If it can break it will always break at the most inopportune moment
Law 6 You will be going back to the DIY store
Law 7 You will regret not measuring one more time
Law 8 When your wife/significant other arrives to look it is always at the moment of most difficulty
Law 9 When your wife/significant other arrives she will ask you why you didn't get a man in
Law 10 You will ask yourself why you didn't get a man in!

Still, I must say that it has been a pleasure feeling well enough to at least have a go myself! Thanks to this wonderful neurostimulator, since I was switched on two weeks ago I have experienced a complete break from pain. Thank God for the sheer pleasure of not being in agony. Now it's a joy to make a fool of myself, but when you come to my house, please don't ask me where you can hang your coat!

How long, O Lord?

2011-02-25T14:32:00.000Z

As I know you may well be one of my readers who takes time to pray for Diane and myself I just want to bring you up to date on the latest situation regarding our on-going war with pancreatitis and pain. Last week's surgery in Guys Hospital London went well, although the journey home with my 3 stitched wounds was quite an ordeal. The weekend saw me holding my belly and gritting my teeth as infection set in to the wound on my front, and it seemed a long time till Monday when we could get some antibiotic help. Thankfully they have worked and the infection is subsiding.

As you may know, the surgical team have a new policy from the start of this year (one which they failed to tell me about until I was in the recovery room!) in which they delay programming the spinal stimulator for at least a week or so after the operation. Previously this had been done the day after the op, as I had experienced during the trial procedure last December. This means that we will be hauling my s.a. (if you don't get that don't ask!) once again back through Gatwick Airport on this coming Tuesday, not a pretty prospect. On Wednesday they will programme the kit and switch me on. If you get a moment to pray, please ask for strength to undertake this journey feeling as sore as I do from the surgery, and still battling strong pancreatic pain daily!

We are both so grateful that I have been chosen for this treatment and that the surgical part is now behind me. It offers the prospect of real benefit in terms of pain relief if it works as well as in the trial, and the hope of much better days to come. We still hold on to the promise of 1 Peter 5:10 'The suffering won’t last forever. It won’t be long before this generous God who has great plans for us in Christ—eternal and glorious plans they are!—will have you put together and on your feet for good.' (The Message).

A Headache Cure for All.

2011-02-21T12:44:00.001Z

Oh boy - all this deep thinking gives me a headache. When I start thinking about my problems and the sufferings in the world - life often doesn't seem fair does it? When you look at the Beckhams of this world, or maybe even just your neighbours, and they seem to have so much money and possessions yet care so little about God, or the needs of others, and then I think about my lot in life - ouch time! That's what the writer of Psalm 73 said (in The Message version). 'What’s going on here? Is God out to lunch? Nobody’s tending the store.The wicked get by with everything; they have it made, piling up riches. I’ve been stupid to play by the rules; what has it gotten me? Still, when I tried to figure it out, all I got was a splitting headache…'.

Do you feel that way sometimes? Oh maybe not today but you know what I mean, what the Psalm writer meant. What's the answer to this life induced pressure on the mind? Well, it's not to deny the reality of how hard life can be. Nearly two thirds of the whole of the book of Psalms is made up by what is called 'lament' - a kind of religious poem or song designed to describe how bad things are. No denial there then. Yet, in many of these very honest declarations there are also found statements that turn back our faith and confidence towards God. Like here in Psalm 73. The very next line to the one quoted above says this: 'Until I entered the sanctuary of God. Then I saw the whole picture: The slippery road you’ve put them on, with a final crash in a ditch of delusions.' So what we see today is not the end of the story. The writer went in to the place of prayer 'the sanctuary of God' he or she calls it, and was granted there a revelation of the end of all humanity without Christ. Suddenly the eyes of their heart were opened, and they understood the bigger picture.

This world is not all there is. In fact, the Bible describes what we have today as being as brief as the falling of a leaf, like a tale that is told or a breath that is breathed momentarily and then is gone forever. None of the trinkets that society might envy as the signs of success really matter to God. At the end of the day He reads the thoughts and intentions of every heart - and holds our allotted number of breaths like a loan ready to be called.

There's only one cure to that kind of headache. It's trust in Christ as saviour and Lord. Only in truly following Him can we be ready for the day when that most vital of all loans is recalled. 'Because He lives, I shall live also' is a great reminder that our values need to reflect eternity if they are to be properly balanced on earth. Any other approach is fertile headache country.

A Rose From a Loving Heart

2011-02-13T11:59:00.000Z

I was in the early stages of consciousness after 10 days of deep coma. During those terrifying days and nights in Intensive Care I had been buffeted by fears and hallucinations. I found it hard to separate reality from hallucination. Extreme pain from an attack of acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis still blinded my mind, and the emotions of a near-death encounter were still fresh in my memory. Where was I? Who was I? Where was my wonderful wife? Was she dead or alive? Then I heard two nurses joking. One said that she was expecting no Valentine's Day cards this year while the other one boasted of a boxful. Valentine's Day? February the 14th? Was Diane still alive, and did she know how much I loved her?

All this was mingling in my mind to produce near panic when my good friend Bob Miles, a local Pastor, came and sat at my side as he did often. I spoke out my fears and questions to him. He nodded politely but told me weeks later that he could hardly make out a word I was saying. He handed me a note to write down what I obviously wanted him to do. 'Buy Diane a red rose and send it to her with these words; From your adoring husband, I love you so much.' When those weeks later Bob showed me the note it looked like I had written in Arabic! Even I could not fathom what my intention had been, let alone the message. Wonderfully Bob deciphered just enough to get the gist, and on Valentine's Day Diane was absolutely stunned to get a single red rose from what she thought was her dying husband. I didn't die. By God's grace and through a miracle of care and divine intervention I lived to tell the tale.

That was 14 years ago and this year it will still be difficult to 'do' Valentine's Day, as I shall be checking into Guy's Hospital that day in London for more surgery. The fight to live goes on but it is fortified by an amazing love between two people. More than 70 times I have traveled to the mainland of the UK for hospital treatment and every time she has been at my side. She has my heart and I have hers. What more could any man ask on this Valentine's Day.

I thought that this little video from Edward Monckton called The Love Monkey is a delightful way to ponder our love this year... but there will still be a red rose.

Young Guy Turns Out Not So Bad After All!

2011-01-24T17:27:00.000Z

Hey Dude? Who is this good lookin' young guy then? He looks bold and brash and yes, he's even started shaving! I'd say from that distant look he's just set eyes on his intended. He's watching her across the room and hoping that she will eyeball him too. Who'd have thought that they would marry at 20 years of age! What, so young? And then, stay together through nearly 39 years of marriage, serving God and other people, believing the God of the Bible and urging others to believe Him too. Just what is it that motivated this young man and his girlfriend to go all out for the gospel when countless others around them were hell-bent on pleasure, money and power? And what is it that has kept them following after the crazy message of the grace of God through illness, bereavement, sorrow, frustration and pain?

Well, a big part of it is that there is nowhere else to go. Once when the disciples of Jesus saw that quite a few early followers of Christ were turning away from Him, they were startled by the Saviour's question. 'Will you also go away?' 'Master', they replied, 'Where else would we go? You alone have the words of eternal life'. Through more than 40 years of discipleship on three continents and in several cultures this young guy and his girl were to find that there really is no other way to find life, joy and peace, nor the assurance that life with Christ never ends. So much else is temporary, and so much tarnished by flimsy motives and selfishness - but following Jesus Christ really does make sense, even into the 21st Century.

And so the years have taken their toll. Early enthusiasm and confidence have given way to measured balance and honest doubts. Things that once were so certain have long since passed their warranty but are still hanging on! The waistline has widened and the hairline taken flight, but down deep it's still me, and I still love Diane and am fascinated by her beauty. And what's more, if I could do it all over again, I would not change one bit of it. No, not one bit, because even the bad bits that didn't kill me have made me stronger, and the sad parts have been the shadows that only go to prove that beyond the clouds the sun is still shining.

Bon Voyage!

2011-01-05T11:46:00.000Z

When I was searching for a title for the book that would tell the story of my long battle with serious ill-health and chronic pain it was a 'no-brainer'. Braving the Storm: Survival Tactics said it all. I felt like I was battling to make headway against a raging, howling wind and a strong tide against me. To a certain extent I still feel like that, but there is a notable difference. For most of the struggle I have felt pretty sure about the nature of my enemy - it was a physical fight against a measurable disease. Now, like the mariners who gathered in convoys to cross the Atlantic during the Second World War, I realise that the greatest danger lies beneath the waves. The unseen realm of the U-Boat wreaked a terrible toll on the convoys. For my part, the invisible, insidious and underhand tactic of the attacker that poses me the greatest risk is depression. 'Ah yes, Eric,' you may say 'but you don't have to worry about that do you? After all, you are a pastor and Christian leader, and they should not get depressed, should they?' 'Get real, Pal' is my response! Even Jesus was described as 'a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief' and when it came to Satan's tactics against him we also read 'he was oppressed and afflicted' - now that's pretty depressing.

Why are Christians among the last to be willing to admit that they get depressed? They usually either refuse to take medication or do so ashamedly, afraid to admit to others that we might need some chemical help to overcome a condition that is often chemically based or exaggerated and complicated by the drugs we need to take for pain.

Convoys were difficult to organise, but they worked. Ships gathered together with others heading to roughly the same destinations, and they travelled as one. Of course they were limited to the speed of the slowest among them, but the idea cut the death toll drastically and led to a painful though marginal victory in the battle of the Atlantic. So - I get depressed, and when I do I need others who understand what it means to face this bleak and heinous enemy to make the journey with me. It simply is too dangerous to make the trip alone. It is also sad and silly to reject any means of grace, even if it is received by mouth!

The book which followed on from this was called Storm Force and enabled me to look more closely at some of these unseen tactics of the enemy. I thought that the next one should be called 'After the Storm' but as I am writing it I am finding that neither the storm nor the lessons from it are decreasing. So, I'll let you know the title once it has been confirmed, after all - you are probably in the same convoy and we need each other! Bon Voyage!

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T17:30:00.000Z

Have a happy, healthy and holy New Year!

Wow it's so good to begin this new year knowing that our life and times are firmly in God's hands. No matter what the inflation figures say, or the football pundits moan about, or the weather buffs warn about, those who know Christ and are trusting Him feel comforted by this great fact - God is still in charge!

I have been pondering what my priorities should be as I begin 2011. Of course I long to be pain-free, and I do feel more hopeful about the latest development in this regard in my case. The pain team in London have decided to go ahead for full implantation of the spinal neuro- stimulator in me probably early in the year. After the very disappointing start, the December trial of the kit turned out to be much more successful than expected, thank God!

But I have been thinking about the absolute priority of being ready for eternity. This became all too up-to-date for me in 2010 with the passing of my younger brother's long-term partner Janet. Despite the tragedy of the illness that took her, she was granted the privilege, not given to all, to prepare for her untimely death during a period of weeks and then days. I was with her in the final week, and saw the grace of God at work in her as she asked me to explain my faith again to her, and then she embraced God's love for herself. I know I will see her again one day. But what of the millions more who don't get any warning? Surely if we believe the gospel we must become much more urgent about sharing it?

D. A. Carson says this: 'You cannot live faithfully in this life unless you are ready for the next. You can't preserve morality or spirituality or doctrinal purity or faithfulness unless you are living in light of eternity' (taken from Be Still My Soul ed. by Nancy Guthrie, IVP, Nottingham, 2010, 115). I really hope that I will take this on board in the coming year and do all I can to urge others to answer the question posed by the hymn-writer;

'Where will you spend eternity?
This question comes to you and me
Tell me, what shall your answer be?
Where will you spend eternity?'

Reality Check!

2010-12-23T11:06:00.000Z

Most of Britain is shivering in the snow and ice. Unlike previous years there is almost no doubt at all that this will be a white Christmas, at least in some part of the British Isles. For us here in the Channel Islands it is very rare to get snow at all let alone before Christmas. The salt air and southerly position usually keeps us clear of all that, but this time we are included in this mega-dump of frosty forces! BRRR! Another unusual thing for post-modern Britain is the portrayal on the main television channel BBC One of the events of the Nativity. It has been beautifully shot in believable scenery and involves not just mainstream actors but is also written by Tony Jordan, a former lead writer on Eastenders, and is being transmitted at peak viewing times. For a generation of largely biblically illiterate children and young people as well as adults this may turn out to be a real taste of the original story and its impact on the lives of those who took part.

The third and most moving episode showed the rejection that Mary faced when she chose to accept God's message and receive the implanted Son of God into her womb, and even more significantly into her life. 'I am the Lord's servant' Mary said 'may it be to me as you have said'. From that moment she faced the hostility of all within her community, to the point of being threatened with stoning (in the televised version). Most difficult of all would be the response of her parents who believed her to be pure and devout and would never receive the comfort of the angelic visitor in a dream that Joseph was to see. He too, is portrayed as facing a great dilemma when his betrothed young wife to be became pregnant despite their own resolve to remain virgins before marriage. Mary found herself out in the cold. The stark reality check of choosing to obey God's will and go God's way came as a cold dose of frightening price-paying.

What a wonderful example she set us! How much she deserves our admiration? More than that, her difficult choice with its cost and pain has brought so much into our world, our lives and our eternity. Without her willingness to obey God we would still be in our sins without hope and without God in the world. Thank you Mary, and thank you Lord for breaking into our frozen wilderness with your love and your saving power. And thank you too BBC One for bringing it to our screens.

Hope Deferred?

2010-12-18T17:15:00.000Z

I looked at Diane with that knowing look. She glanced back telling me with her eyes that she understood my sorrow and frustration. The nurses were still talking, still fiddling with their computer. They were trying to sound positive, but we knew the truth. We've been there so often before that it doesn't take a degree in interventionist pain management to realise that something had gone wrong. In the operating theatre the surgeon had placed two flexible cables into the epidural cavity surrounding my spine and now only one day later, the nurses sent to programme the equipment with their hand-held computer could only find one. The major line of the two designed to deal with at least 60% of my pain had failed, been moved or had simply been misplaced. Now, despite all the anxious preparations and long wait, the air flight to London and all the expense involved, the maximum benefit we could hope for was that 40% of the area of my intense pain might be covered by the sensations produced by neurostimulation of the spine.

This has been the tale of our lives during the long fifteen years of atrocious pain that I have endured. Diane and I have set off so many times for hospital, more than 70 times, saying to each other 'surely this time it will work'. We have had the same attitude to receiving healing prayer ministry. Over the years we have travelled to Toronto, Bethel in California, healing centres in the UK, and a missionaries care facility in France each time believing that God would intervene and heal. Some of the biggest names in Christendom have laid hands on me - all without the single feature we do seek and daily expect - healing and deliverance from one of the most painful conditions known to man. Don't get me wrong, we have been greatly blessed and encouraged to keep going, and we both know that I am only still alive because of amazing answers to prayer, but the frustrations of hope built up and then dashed have been hard to bear. As the Bible says; 'hope deferred makes the heart sick' (Proverbs 13:12).

Then a small group met to pray for me on a snowy night. One of them had a vision from the Lord of the scales of justice on top of the Old Bailey. In one pan he saw our constant disappointments being loaded in, and then he saw the other pan being filled with joys that completely outweighed the other! 'There will be justice' is what he felt the Lord was saying, 'and great joy is going to wash away your frequent disappointments!' Praise God. Then I remembered the promise For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 2 Cor. 4:17 and I rejoiced, but I also dare to believe that there will be a fulfilment of that in this life too. If not, I will still hope in God, for no-one who puts their hope in Him will be put to shame.

And who knows? The trial of this piece of kit is not over yet, and God can do amazing things with people foolish enough to trust in Him and not in themselves.

Tough Going

2010-12-11T21:53:00.000Z

The old cigar advert blew clouds of smoke across the screen and burned the lyrics of the song into my memory for ever.. 'There may be Trouble Ahead'. Remember it? Well that ages you and me both. But it feels about right for what's happening to me just now. Once again I am facing surgery in a London hospital - Guys - and I don't really know how it will go. I have been warned that because of the nature of the surgery on my spine, I will have to to remain awake for at least the first part of the operation, so that they can be sure that they are working in exactly the right spot, and then they will anaesthetise me. Boy, do I hope they get a move on. Pass me the Hamlet cigar box please!

Yet I am strangely feeling really hopeful this time. Each time Diane and I have set off by plane for Gatwick airport to report in a London hospital yet again - many more than 50 times now - we have looked at each other and said 'Just one more time eh?' We really hoped that it would be the last. We were always wrong. This time I know it will not be the final visit, nor the last surgery to be endured. Next Tuesday (14th Dec) will only be a trial, inserting electrodes into my spine and tunnelling cables inside me to place a computerised piece of kit something similar to a TENS machine but much more powerful. If the trial succeeds there will be at least one more operation to make the whole thing complete, but we are both really hopeful that this equipment will bring meaningful relief. It may even enable my medical team to reduce the amount of morphine that I require each day to survive. Who knows, I may even be set free to do what I love the best, preaching and teaching God's precious Word.

The sign above would worry anyone, wouldn't it? Unless that is they are searching for the little Scottish village called - you've guessed it - 'Tough' where this photo was taken. Then the sign would be a step in the right direction. And that is what I am hoping to take with Diane next week, a step in the right direction. Even if it is going to be 'Tough'!

The Value or the Cost?

2010-11-27T12:27:00.000Z

This is probably not the best of times to invest in the Euro. Our 'friends in need' in Ireland are discovering that there is a big difference between knowing the cost of something and understanding its value. They went headlong into the 'Green Tiger' economy, splashing and splurging their newly minted wealth, whilst failing to realise that the value of their shiny new 21st Century goods was pretty low whilst their cost would turn out to be immense - more in fact than they were able to pay. And who will be the next? No doubt other major Western economies are shivering in their designer shoes just now.

But am I guilty of making the same mistake? Do I know the difference between value and cost? I think not, and here's why. The things that I really want in life, and value as 'success', do not have the same price tag on them in God's economy as in mine. For instance, I value being well thought of, and approved by the people who know me. The Bible tells me that all I do ought to be done for the acclaim of an audience of One. His 'well done good and faithful servant' should excite me much more than the idea of being a Christian celebrity or a famous preacher and conference speaker. But does it? (Don't think I am going to tell you!! Aw - shame!)

And then there is that frightening verse in James chapter 1. 'Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.' Now that is a problem. I don't value pain, struggle, suffering and trials. No way. Those things bear a very meagre price tag in my store. But hey - God says I am to 'count it all joy' (AV) when such things come my way! Charles Spurgeon said of these verses, 'James teaches us in our struggles how to count. He sets before us a different kind of measure from that which carnal reason would use: the shekel of the sanctuary was very different from the shekel in common commerce, and so is the counting of faith far other than that of human judgement. Write down the testing process as pure gain and instead of being sorry about it, count it all joy.'

So what does God value in me? What precious commodity is He trying to bring to the surface? One thing I do know, is that the very process itself cost Jesus everything. To Him, the price of my redemption was worth paying because He uses heaven's unique value system. And that is not measured in Euros or in pounds or in dollars, but in love, sacrifice, perseverance, faith and tears. Are you willing to pay that price tag? Am I?

Thanks Lord

2010-11-18T11:52:00.001Z

I am so grateful. I have survived a difficult and dangerous procedure in a London hospital with only an extended hospital stay of an extra 5 days due to complications and pain. Although I have to go back there in a few days to have a stent removed, I do feel that despite the fact that the war goes on, this particular skirmish is passing. Hooray!! And - do you mind if I say it again? I am SO grateful. Why?

I have a wife like no other in the world. She is such an encouragement to me every single day. She always comes to London with me to guide me through Gatwick airport in my opiate haze and carry the heavy bags! Diane then remains on her own in hotels, and on this occasion she had to change hotel three times during her stay. Morning, afternoon and evening she sits by my hospital bed. A group of nurses were near us one evening, and one of them said to the others 'If you want to see a woman who loves her husband like no other you should look at this woman' pointing at Diane ' because she is amazing'. Diane keeps smiling, keeps loving, keeps hoping, keeps encouraging, keeps trusting, keeps real and just keeps going!

As the Bible says in Proverbs 31 'A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long... Her children respect and bless her; her husband joins in with words of praise: "Many women have done wonderful things, but you’ve outclassed them all!"'

I am also so grateful for people who love God from around the world who also seem to love us and pray for us regularly. This fellowship of love is like being in a warm and cosy bed on a rainy day. It means that although the weather may not have improved outside, we feel safe and cared for, and protected. This particular admission to hospital was potentially very dangerous for me because of my medical history. I even wrote out my funeral arrangements before I went! Thankfully the faith of our prayer partners did not waver, nor their persistence fail. In God's goodness He heard their cry and ours, and must have a purpose for me down here yet.

Most of all I am grateful for Jesus. Through His word and by His Spirit I am able to keep hoping too. I want you to know that hope also, leading to joy and peace in all and any circumstances. 'May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.' Amen to that!

A Fist Unfurled

2010-10-29T11:30:00.001+01:00

Last evening our house-group came to call. They wanted to pray with Diane and I before we set off for hospital in London. We had a short but special time together reminding ourselves of God's promises and being the family of God. Toward the end I had a picture in my mind of an upraised fist. It seemed to me that this angry gesture was waving in the face of God. I felt that God was showing me this so that we all could just examine our hearts, and especially me, to see if our attitude towards God at this time was the right one. Now don't get me wrong - I don't think that God was saying that there is no place for anger in our lives. Anyone who has read my book Storm Force will know that there is a whole chapter in it about the appropriateness and normality of anger when facing storms of all kinds. Yet there is a good anger and a bad anger, a healthy anger and an unhealthy anger.

When I shared this picture with the group, one of them said that she was just going to read the verse Psalm 4:4 'Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still.' which is very similar to Paul's advice in Ephesians 4:26 'Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath'. So it seemed that the Holy Spirit was trying to get through to us. The well known Christian writer and quadriplegic Joni Eareckson Tada has said 'Any crisis is meant to awaken us to the reality of God, His nearness, His care, His presence and His ever-present help' yet in my experience it is so hard to hold on to that kind of perspective. My own battle with ill health is nothing compared to the conditions being faced right now by Christians in places like Iraq and Zimbabwe yet many of them have found it possible to keep trusting God in the most appalling circumstances and to remain hopeful and free from bitterness. I aspire to those great goals... but hey, am I alone in saying that going is tough? How should we respond?

The picture in my mind began to change. The fist unfurled and the hand opened up, fingers flexing and extending. God was showing me my part in the process, small as that may be. He wants us to open up our hands to receive his amazing love, relax our anxious accusations and let go of our fears, worshipping and trusting him alone. As Joni went on to say ''Will we allow the truth of God's promises to change the way we see life, with all its challenges and obstacles? To ease our fears and calm our anxieties? To give us hope and confidence when there doesn't seem to be any earthly reason for either?' (A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty) As the group left our home last evening I felt more determined than ever to see God's perspective on yes even next week's trial, and to turn my fist into an open hand. How about you?

Confronting the Unthinkable

2010-10-26T12:45:00.000+01:00

Preparing for Battle

We all have our personal battles to fight. Some will be minor skirmishes, others a matter of life and death. One of the latter hit me in 1997 when I was subjected to a surgical/medical procedure known as ERCP - this what the Pancreatitis Supporters' Network warns about it: 'These are HIGHLY dangerous to us with Pancreatitis. Our advice is ALWAYS make sure they are properly qualified and they are doing it for a valid reason - see statistics in Information Pack download for risk statistics'. It nearly killed me. I cannot describe to you the devastation it brought to my life. I am only alive today by the grace of God and in answer to many people's prayers. But it was one awful battle.

Next Tuesday I will have another one! 'Is he mad?' I can hear you ask. No, just very sick and desperately in need of the treatment, which despite its terrifying dangers does offer some hope of relief. It will be a therapeutic procedure - even more dangerous than a diagnostic one like the one I had in 1997. They will try to remove a stone that is blocking my pancreatic duct. The team will also leave behind a stent to keep the duct patent and overcome a stricture or narrowing of the duct at present. The pancreas in someone like me is a very unforgiving organ. Once provoked to 'go rogue' and start using its meat-dissolving enzymes to eat itself and its surrounding organs it is almost unstoppable. But - it can be beaten.

My team will be the best in the country. Based at University College Hospital in London they know their art. I don't know how long I will be in hospital, but Diane will be with me, staying as she always has done during the more than 60 times we have been there, in a nearby hotel. (It has cost us more than a medium sized new car for her to always be with me but I could not be without her support. We have been amazed at the way people have given to us, and supported us with their gifts as well as their prayers. Thank you Lord!).

So, today I am preparing for battle. I am stacking up my ammunition - reminding myself of God's promises and soaking my mind in God's Word and His presence. I am loading really good music onto my iTouch player, and got some great books to go with me. Will I read them? Maybe not, but I would rather prepare in hope. By the end of next week I will know. I am in a win/win situation. Even if the worst happens and I succumb to deadly haemoraghic pancreatitis, I will wake up in the most exciting place in God's universe. But hey - I feel I still have work to do. So please join me as part of my back-up team. I love and appreciate you. Jesus does too. Bye now.

Cutbacks and Setbacks

2010-10-19T15:20:00.000+01:00

The whole of Britain is waiting with bated breath for the UK Chancellor to announce his spending review and with it the details of the government's cutbacks in public spending. Although we are not part of the UK here, we share an interest in what happens over the water as it will undoubtedly have an eventual effect upon us in time. In any case, even though we have no national debt to speak of, Guernsey is facing a similar process of reigning in the spending of public bodies so as to avoid a deficit here too. The phrase 'no gain without pain' comes to mind!

When it comes to undergoing pain in order to grow or make gains, I feel that I may have just a little experience of that in my own life! Serious illness forces you to cut back and expend less energy and activity just to get through, and you find yourself having to let go of activities you would once have thought essential to your own sense of who you are. These cutbacks appear to be setbacks, but they can actually also be opportunities to review and refocus on what really does matter. It is amazing how much you think you need to hold onto in order to fulfil your calling, and how much you can let go of without losing effectiveness in ministry. What we are is so much important than what we do.

I am reading a superb book on a similar subject at the moment. Written by Joni Tada A Place of Healing: Wrestling with the Mysteries of Suffering, Pain, and God's Sovereignty is a tremendous outline of the theological position I myself have written about in Storm Force. It is such a comfort to those of us who believe in a God who heals, yet who are in chronic pain, to discover that in the kingdom of God there has been no cutback in the comfort of the Holy Spirit or the ministry of the Word of God. We have had to cut all sorts of activities and busyness, but are still able to serve God in small ways each day. I recommend this as good reading for you too.

Cutbacks don't necessarily have to be setbacks when God is in charge.

Sweet and Sour

2010-09-18T14:47:00.001+01:00

The smell rising from the kitchen aroused strong pangs of desire in me. I knew that my wife was there, attractive, fragrant and radiant with her sleeves tucked seductively up over scandalously beguiling bare arms. I trod the stair carpet gently, unwilling to break the spell of allurement. Carefully I moved across the kitchen floor, positioned myself secretly behind her feminine form. All was laid bare before my gaze. Diane had been baking again!

I love her baking. Her cakes are a constant challenge to my waistline, not to mention my low fat regime. There may be death in the pot but hey, what a way to go! I allow the fabulous fumes to arise into my searching nostrils while my hand creeps silently towards the newly made objects of desire. ‘Oi, get off!’ The slap to my hand is playful but has the desired effect. ‘They’re not ready yet. You’ll have one with your tea’.

One thing I have noticed over the years that Diane has practised the baking arts is that the ingredients alone are never very tasty. Baking soda hardly tickles the palate. The whites of an egg or two make very sticky banality whilst lemon rind is bitter and choking. Flour makes you sneeze and margarine is just slippery candle-wax. No joy in stealing any of those. But ah! When collected and manipulated by my gifted wife together they become baking heaven. The difference is phenomenal. What you would not give a penny for, when brought under the spell of her recipe you could sell for a mint.

My life has been like that. The ingredients alone are not very attractive. Incidents and experiences that on their own are at best bland and at worse bitter and choking, are blended by Jesus Christ the master baker to produce a recipe that is for His glory. Romans 8:28 says that in all things (even the sour and sad things) God works for the good of those who love Him. The isolated incidences alone are never satisfying and cannot easily be understood, but God takes all these sour ingredients and blends them together to produce an outcome that is good. Mind you – it’s the heat of the oven that I can’t stand.

The Mystery of Darkness - Treasure in Secret Places

2010-09-01T11:59:00.000+01:00

Making gemstones is a godly task. Only eternal beings need apply. Much of the work will be done underground and under intense pressure. Working hours will be measured in aeons - millennia may be taken as rest periods. Inspection of the finished article will require a light source, preferably one which spawns a universe. Applicants will need wisdom to choose the appropriate material, and perseverance to pursue it beyond its many faults. Giving up will not be an option. The gemstone thus produced will reflect the glory of the master craftsman. But the stone itself - well that's just coal under pressure - carbon that forgot that its primary colour should be black. Stuff that without the vision and hope of the craftsman would never even see the light of day.

"But where can wisdom be found? Where does understanding dwell? Man does not comprehend its worth; it cannot be found in the land of the living... It cannot be bought with the finest gold, nor can its price be weighed in silver. It cannot be bought with the gold of Ophir, with precious onyx or sapphires. Neither gold nor crystal can compare with it, nor can it be had for jewels. Coral and jasper are not worthy of mention; the price of wisdom is beyond rubies. Where then does wisdom come from? Where does understanding dwell?

‘The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom, and to shun evil is understanding.’" (Job 28)

What does this mean for me? It means that God does not have to explain to me all that He is achieving. It means that only eternity will show the true beauty of what God was doing in my life through pain and waiting. It means that 'the work of God' is so much deeper, higher, fuller and larger than my puny understanding of it to date. In the darkness of my pain and sorrow God is making gemstones. Far from the gaze of those who want quick and easy answers, the Almighty is getting Himself glory. And I don't mind that really, just so long as these years of agony and pressure serve some purpose, somewhere, and that the carbon of my life ends up to the praise of His glory instead of the ash heap where it deserves to be, but for God's amazing grace.

Setback or Setup?

2010-08-17T15:15:00.000+01:00

Time to Think

These days of silence since I last blogged have not been easy. There was a period, following my prolonged 'nil-by-mouth' exercise, when I thought that a new day might be dawning in my long battle with serious ill-health. Encouragement came from folk who know me well pointing out that I was looking better, and the good old diary told me that it had been nearly four months since I had been admitted to hospital. Four months? Yes, that's a record that beats any period for several years now. Sadly, during this time of hope, my dear Sister-in-law Janet Hulbert passed away, and her tragic passing was all the more painful because our parents are gone now, and Andy, her partner, is all of nine years younger than me. I felt for him and did not want him to go through the funeral service alone. In fact, he even asked me to officiate at the service near Manchester in the north of England.

Then, bang! Three nights before the planned flight, at 2am, I was curled up in the foetal position choking with agony and in desperate need of medical help. We hung in there at home for 12 hours, but then I was admitted as an emergency through the A & E department of our local hospital, with the raging pain and fever of acute pancreatitis. The staff could not have been kinder to me. 'We have not seen you for quite a while now, have we?' 'Four months - wow, well done!' Meanwhile Diane was cancelling flight tickets and letting Andy know of our changed circumstances. He was great - so understanding and kind in the midst of his own deep suffering. There was no choice. Only rest and acceptance could give me peace in my troubled situation.

Once the immediate scream of pancreatic pain settles, there is always the fear of not knowing which way this attack will go. Will the serum Amylase in the blood just keep on rising to life-threatening levels, or will it give way and start going down. Thankfully, within a few days, the crisis passed, and I had time to reflect. What did I think? Well, I thought about the fact that if I had been there and taken that funeral service, Andy would not have the ongoing pastoral support of a local person who did take it, and the Fellowship he represents which is nearby to where Andy and Janet's home is. Also, I found myself in a bed next to some very special people, whose needs were great and whose company was meant to be. And Matthew, our son, now nearly 30, was able to travel and be there in my place, cementing his place into the life of the wider family.

And I got yet another reminder that my life is not my own. We plan and prepare, but God decides whether we will even be there. Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that." (James 4:13-15) Food for thought eh?

Friend of the Weak

2010-06-13T12:28:00.000+01:00

I was lying back in my lounger in the Sunday morning sun feeling sorry for myself. After 7 weeks without food or drink whilst enduring 'total pancreatic rest' I was overwhelmed with weakness. Diane's gorgeous garden swam before my misty eyes as I recalled, like the Psalmist, 'how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng' and now I am too weak even to get to church today. My iPod serves as a link with the worshipping throng and even the teaching and preaching too, so I had the earphones on. Then came this deeply moving song, like a water feature for my tired soul.

'You are the God of the broken,
The Friend of the weak...
You are the God of the humble
You are the humble King.'

How odd it is that this 'God of the broken and friend of the weak' is so little spoken of in the modern church. The emphasis of our worship and teaching so quickly rotates back to the triumphant, powerful, mighty and victorious - all of which are gloriously true also- to the negelct of the One who revelled in the title 'Friend of Sinners'. People like me who love the power and presence of God but are mystified by the daily challenge of overwhelming pain and weakness sometimes find it difficult to feel we belong in the dynamic enthusiasm of much celebratory praise today. I almost feel like starting a 'church for the weak and broken' - and I know it would quickly fill up, but then it too would probably be guilty of a lack of balance.

Yet the New Testament apostle Paul claimed that when he was at his weakest God was seen to be at His strongest through him! This is the mystery of weakness. The upside-down kingdom of Almighty God does actually have room for the down-trodden, the broken and the rejected. Did not Jesus announce that He had come to 'bind up broken hearts'? So, I will not give up, I will keep on trusting, as the same Psalm that I mentioned above (Psalm 42) also says 'by day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life' - even when I am too weak to get to church. Thank God!

New Teaching Videos

2010-06-04T13:16:00.000+01:00

Despite the ordeal I am currently enduring - into the sixth week of 'nil-by-mouth' total fast in an attempt to rest my totured pancreas, I am glad to introduce the first in a planned series of short teaching videos. I made this one just before the treatment began, and I will continue the studies in the book of Romans chapter 8 once this is over. Meanwhile, sit back and watch the first one - Courtroom Drama - Guilty Man Escapes!

Do please let me have your comments so that I can improve these teaching vignettes. There is a whole chapter about the Bible teaching about guilt in my most recent book Storm Force. You can buy a copy of your own by clicking on the linked box on the left. Thanks.

Home again!

2010-05-10T17:28:00.002+01:00

Our Wonderful Island Home!

No - we don't live on a cliff! But we do have the privilege of living in a most enchanting isle which is bedecked in the fabulous colours of Spring. The gorse smells of vanilla and is bright yellow, the bluebells are ringing and the hedgerows are awash with colour. No wonder we found the last two weeks in Central London a trial. It is such a joy to be home, and to leave behind the manic noisy throng and fume laden atmosphere of Tottenham Court Road. It is also a tremendous relief to be out of hospital, even if the UCLH is a bright new building and the staff are as good as it gets - there's no place like home.

So my long fast has begun. A minimum of 6 weeks 'nil by mouth'. I am connected to a special pump 20 hours a day which keeps me alive, but nothing will pass my lips for the foreseeable future. This is called 'total pancreatic rest' and is designed to arrest the recurring acute attacks of pancreatitis and lessen the pain of chronic pancreatitis. I hope that it works as the sacrifice involved is enormous.

I am so grateful to all those who have told me that they are fasting with me at this time. Not for the whole 6 weeks, of course, but for a day, or two and three days, so that this period is covered by fasting partners. Now that's what I call 'the local church at work'. Many thanks to you all.

So I am going to try and distract myself from gnawing hunger and the hallucinations of cups of tea and coffee etc. I find tremendous comfort in the presence of One who spent 6 weeks fasting in the desert once. He knows the anguish and shares with me as a fasting partner par execellence. Thank you Jesus!

Hope Instead of Despair

2010-04-22T11:09:00.000+01:00

Here is my wonderful wife Diane - whom I love more than words can say - speaking at a ladies breakfast last weekend where around a hundred ladies gathered. The meeting was called Rock Chicks (Diane said that she felt like she was 'Crock Chicks'!) and she spoke there on a subject that she was well qualified to address, 'Hope in Place of Despair'. Many ladies spoke to her since then to tell her that her words had affected them profoundly. She prayed for several at the end, and there was a real sense that God was speaking through her. Now the church have put her talk on their website so you can listen to it as well. If you want to do so, you should go to http://www.rock.gg/ and look for her talk by clicking on the podcasts tab, and then you can either listen straight away or download it for later.

I really felt blessed by what she shared. It moved me to tears to hear of her faith concerning my healing, and her steady confidence that God is still at work in our lives despite the pain and struggle of the last 14 years.

On the 27th April Diane and I will fly to London Gatwick Airport (volcanic ash permitting) and I will be admitted into the University College London Hospital once again. During the next week they will probably commence the period of 'nil-by-mouth' total pancreatic rest, and also look into the reasons for the recent attacks of cholangitis as well as pancreatitis. Please pray with us for breakthrough. Several folk have told me that they are going to fast with me at times during the period I am on the treatment. You cannot know how much that moves me, and how humbled and encouraged I am by that knowledge. Thank you.

So, here is Diane's key verse: 'Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Saviour and my God.' Psalm 42:11.

The Other Disciple

2010-04-14T10:15:00.001+01:00

I spent Easter back in my local hospital. Good Friday was my worst day! I remember the surgeon bending over me while I was prostrated on the hospital bed after a dreadful night, saying 'Well it's Good Friday today and we are going to try and get you on your feet by Sunday - you should rise on that day, if you'll pardon any blasphemy!' Of course I did as there was none, just one more reminder that I was not where I want to be - in the pulpit at Easter.

When Easter day came I was feeling better, but still so sad to celebrate that wonderful day in hospital. I read the account by John of his race to the tomb of Jesus that first Sunday morning. He says that he outran Peter, arrived at the tomb first. But he didn't go in, instead he lingered at the door, peeping in while impetuous Peter rushed past him. For reasons of his own John called himself 'the other disciple' and I began to wonder why, and why he held back while others were hurtling headlong into this miracle.

John was close to Jesus, one of the inner gang of 3, Peter James and John. He knew that Jesus loved him - he sometimes called himself 'the disciple whom Jesus loved'. Yet, at that critical moment, he hesitated and held back. Here's why:

He Realised the Implications. He knew that if what the women had reported was true his life would never be the same again.
He Hesitated to Commit. Don't we all sometimes? I know I do. A lot of people today are in relationships where they are afraid to commit. They fear a solemn covenant like marriage. Or they can't face the idea of giving up their old way of life.
He Understood What the Final Outcome of all this would be. He knew that if he committed and went in, he faced a life of ridicule by his friends and maybe his family. There would be persecution by those who would say he was mad. (He did end his life in a hard labour colony). But above all that, he realised that if Christ was risen, and had overcome death, then he was about to enter the most marvellous, magical and momentous truth - he too, the other disciple - might live for ever!

So, with trembling heart and small steps into the dark, the other disciple went in and became the Apostle John. Much later he wrote the words of Revelation 1:17 & 18. 'When I saw him, I fell at his feet as though dead. Then he placed his right hand on me and said: "Do not be afraid. I am the First and the Last. I am the Living One; I was dead, and behold I am alive for ever and ever! And I hold the keys of death and Hades.'

If you are peeping into the kingdom of heaven today, and wondering what you should do, I encourage you to go on in, and become in a very real sense 'an other disciple' today.

Familiar with Suffering

2010-03-29T19:43:00.002+01:00

I find myself at a loss to know how to explain my situation at this time. If you know me you will already be aware of my 14 year battle with chronic pancreatitis and recurring acute pancreatitis. Until last year I was also being admitted to hospital every month or so with a nasty illness called cholangitis - the inflammation or infection of the bile tree - quite a dangerous condition leading to septic shock and more! I had a huge operation in London last July to overcome this. It appeared to have worked. The cholangitis attacks stopped, but then we fought a renewed outbreak of pancreatitis. Now I am booked to go into the University Hospital in London at the end of April to commence between 6 weeks and 4 months of total pancreatic rest with nil by mouth. Would you credit it? On the cusp of this difficult and rigorous treatment - the cholangitis attacks have started again!

Please pardon my being a bit stuck for words to say. I am gutted. I have just got home after 5 days in the local hospital with this latest attack. So - here we go again. Is there to be no oasis in this desert? Are my tears in vain? Does my cry get any higher than the ceiling?

Oh I know that is not true, but it does feel like it. Still, it must have felt pretty rotten for our parents to endure the Second World War. It must be pretty foul to have MS like a young Christian friend of mine. There must be thousands of decent people whose situation is a zillion times worse. And then - how did Jesus feel, brutally beaten and flogged at 33 years of age, hung on a cruel cross and for what? 'He had done no wrong, no violence, neither was there any deception in his mouth. Yet, it was the LORD's will to crush him and cause him to suffer' (Isaiah 53:10).

So - it's Holy Week and I for one don't feel very holy. If it wasn't for that cross - for those hands - for those drops of blood - for that glorious first Sunday morning! I'd be finished. Sometimes I feel as though I am. 'Lord, please give me the strength to go on'.

A Call to Prayer

2010-03-05T11:15:00.001Z

I read this report today on the website of the Barnabas Fund http://www.barnabasfund.org/. 'The situation for Christians in Iraq has steadily got worse over recent years. Baghdad and Mosul appear to be particularly dangerous places for Christians, with numerous examples of horrendous anti-Christian atrocities including rape, kidnapping and murder. Women and church leaders are particularly targeted. Car bomb attacks occur on churches, especially at times when there will be worshippers present.'

It just seems so sad and wrong that the Christian community in Iraq has gained so little from the so-called 'Iraq War' and are far worse off now than they were under Saddam's terrible regime. It really does help me to put my own little cup of suffering into perspective when I read this, and remember that we are not promised a bed of roses on which we will be wafted to heaven straight from the point of our commitment to Christ! Life is tough, and the Christian life is really tough. Thankfully the One who calls us is faithful and will be with us in all our trials. The blood of the martyrs is still the seed of the church in 2010.

Let's pray for the Church in Iraq and do all we can to support it practically too.

Policeman who called on churchgoers to ask God to help fight crime!

2010-02-22T17:09:00.001Z

I read this really interesting article in the good ole' Daily Mail today and thought you might like to see it! I wonder if these statistics will make any waves further afield? Maybe you should spread the news of what's happening on the streets of Barnstaple since the people of God starting getting down and dirty with the problems affecting their streets just like most towns in the UK.

Policeman who called on churchgoers to ask God to help fight crime has his prayers answered Mail Online

Warning! Obstructions Ahead!

2010-02-18T16:45:00.000Z

If you are used to being blessed by my blogs, or are of a nervous disposition, then look away now.

Tell me, is there anybody in the UK National Health Service that has more than 2 brain cells to rub together? I am fast despairing of it. I mean - would you send a letter to someone who is really unwell and finds travelling a real trial, and who lives in a far-off island, telling them to attend a consultation with a senior doctor in a major London teaching hospital within one week, and when the patient finally gets there the man is on annual leave? CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?? I mean, never mind the £500 it cost them, nor the hassle that they will go through having to fly to Gatwick Airport and back and stay in a hotel overnight just to be sure that they will be there to see him. Not to mention the fact that it is half-term and all the planes are full so the fares are up, and the nearest hotel costs £165 per night - NO - let the patient go through all that and then sit down to chat with a locum. A LOCUM!! Like I need a locum after 14 years of the worst pain known to man? Hah Hah!!

As you will gather, my dander is somewhat elevated. The administrator agreed that they should have phoned me to ask if I minded seeing a locum. They were sorry - THEY WERE SORRY?

Ah well, at least we were able to express our concerns to them all, and so the locum went to find another consultant who works with the team sometimes, and he said that when Dr Whatsisname is back he will have a chat with him about my case, and he will telephone me. Thanks a lot - I can hardly wait.

London Calling

2010-02-15T10:23:00.000Z

Once again the summons comes for me to appear in London - this time at a hospital directly opposite the Houses of Parliament - St Thomases (which is now linked to Guys). Following more than 60 such trips I am used to the itinerary - by air to London Gatwick airport and then the Gatwick Express on to Victoria Station and a cab to a nearby hotel. To be honest, knowing how the trip will go is only half the story. Having the strength to make it is a big chunk of the other half! It is certainly a challenge to get through Gatwick airport with all that walking and the hustle and bustle of a thriving international aiport. But the joy of having Diane with me should make that possible with as little hassle as can be achieved.

This trip is to begin negotiations with a new team for me - the Pain Management Team - and the idea is to see if I might benefit from the insertion of a Spinal Stimulator in my back. The device places electrodes in the epidural cavity of the spine high up on the back, connected by internal cables to a control unit placed under the skin in a reasonably 'rolly polly' area! No trouble there then eh? A hand held remote control would then enable me to increase or decrease the current applied (I am probably using all the wrong terms here) to stimulate the spinal cord electronically so as to interfere with the pain signals travelling to my brain. If this provides some pain relief without opiates, then it will allow me to come off these stupefying drugs. Please pray that it will, and that this consultation will set the process going in quick order for a fast intervention in my desperate situation. Thanks.

At least I don't have to win an election in order to get near to the Mother of Parliaments!

Crumple Zones and Crashes

2010-01-21T15:15:00.000Z

The niece of a good friend of mine was badly hurt in this car accident just after Christmas in South Africa. We are praying for her now as she passes through serious surgery and a prologed period of recovery from this dreadful ordeal. The photo of the wreck was sent to me as an example of how bad such a thing can be, and how amazing it is that people sometimes survive such devastating impact. I was interested in this picture, as it came to me just days after I had received something very similar from a pastor in the UK concerning a colleague working as a missionary in Spain who had also just survived a devastating head-on collision in that country. Clearly, from his photo too, shown below, the escape was remarkable, even to the point of being nigh on miraculous.

In both sets of photographs it was clear to me that in these dreadful front-on crashes people had survived who should not have done by the mercy of God. Along with that acknowledgement of Divine grace, I could see in the shots that both vehicles had collapsed in front of the passenger compartment, and in one case behind it too. This was no accident either. Car designers had planned it that way by the provision of 'crumple zones' - areas of the car's construction that will respond to huge impact by complete destruction, absorbing forces that would otherwise have been focussed on the driver and passengers.

Clever things, these crumple zones. And they set me thinking. There are certain factors that can be built into our lives to act in a similar way. Tears, for instance, are created to be shed. When they are, they bring release to those of us who have been through devastating crashes - and I don't mean just road traffic accidents! Bible verses learnt when everything is dandy, and the sun is shining bright, will be there to come to the fore in crisis. Lessons learnt in the school of prayer, even the disciplines of a healthy prayer life, may also suffer in a disaster but they will have already worked their magic, and could be life-savers.

There are more. Forgiveness, good relationships with those closest to us, church friends, may all in their turn come up trumps in a crash. So, thank God for crumple zones and Divine passenger compartments!

Drive safely!

Bleakness Engaged

2010-01-09T11:07:00.000Z

This is not a view of our road this week - this was last February. The contrast between then and now is stark. Then the snow came thick and fast, and stayed - itself an unusual phenomenon in the Channel Islands. Now, we have been talking snow all week, but not doing snow, and there is all the difference in the world between talking something and doing it! I remember that I am like that too! I talk trust - and then doubt. I predict a great eternity - and then don't want to get there too soon! I announce that Jesus is Lord of all my life - and then take back the broken bits to myself that I feel only I can fix. In a nutshell I am all forecasts and no gritter! Talking up deep drifts and skating on thin ice.

You know bleakness has a life of its own. It feeds on fear and does a lot of its work in the dark. We talk joy when in company, and shiver with doubt and worry under the covers. I'll be honest with you - my forecast is not good. I saw the surgeon three days before Christmas in London (yes it was snowing!) and he described my options as 'dire'. Major surgery to remove much of my insides permanently - or carry on facing the threat of acute attacks of potentially deadly pancreatitis every month. As a start he wants to put me back on 'total pancreatic rest' with enteral feeding for 4 to 6 weeks in the early part of the year. This means that one of my major sources of comfort is also going to be stripped away from me - food and drink! It also threatens to put a great barrier between my wife and I because we share so much over a cup of tea or the food table.

But listen - the forecast is not always right, is it? Sometimes they get it wrong, and make things sound bleaker than they are - just like this week in Guernsey. And hey, even if the worst does come I still have choices between fear and hope, lies and God's truth, moaning or worshipping, despair or trust in God's Word.

So, things may not be as bleak as they seem, and even if they are, God's gritters are great, and His purposes still stand true. He loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life. Get shovelling!

New Year Wishes

2009-12-31T10:13:00.000Z

I was listening to an announcer at the local radio station as I shaved this morning, nearly causing a chunk of my beautiful looks(!) to be chopped off just in time for the New Year. He was reporting a vox pop interviewing people in the town centre as what would be their three wishes for Guernsey this New Year. Most of the answers were banal - people were caught on the hop and couldn't think of what to say. I'm sure they thought of plenty after he had gone. I stopped hacking and asked myself the same question. Now, I'm not claiming to be full of good thoughts, so I surprised myself with these three things that sprang into my mind.

A large number of young people to become committed followers of Jesus Christ. Many are already doing so, and I am amazed at their boldness and faith, but wouldn't it be great to see a real harvest of young lives for the kingdom of God? That would change Guernsey and probably the world.
That the island's government, churches and people would spend in 2010 exactly what they spend on themselves in overseas aid. Let's do some radical giving in the coming year that would bring a smile to millions of faces around the globe! The next year we can exceed this by giving away more than we spend on ourselves but hey, let's not hurry this!
That there be no more unemployment. I know that our jobless figures are minute compared to the UK and other Western democracies, especially post recession (if we are post??) but every unemployed person is a wasted resource and a huge drain on the public purse. Why not put them to work in useful publically or privately financed projects that would add to infrastructure (roads, bridges, parks, pathways, sewers, mains etc) or action to reduce poverty and increase self-reliance (creating allotments from derelict greenhouse sites and then giving/renting them to the poor, redecorating church, charity and youth premises to further the creation of a community spirit).

I stepped into the shower and thought 'and what about me?' Three wishes for my own situation? Well, for a start, I'd love to have a new pancreas - then I could really get going!

Do let me know your own three wishes for yourself or your community, I'd love to read them. Have a Happy New Year!

Courage to Face the Future

2009-12-29T10:27:00.002Z

It takes an unusual kind of courage to face the enormity of being blown up in Afghanistan, losing limbs, and then facing life in a totally different way. Like the courage of Rifleman Craig Wood who was just 18 and was blown up by the Taliban on his first patrol. Losing three limbs and having 27 pints of blood he was given only a 50% chance of survival but he is facing this horrendous injury with an awe inspiring determination. His youth, his strength before the terrible incident that nearly killed him, the excellent medical, surgical and nursing care are all contributing to his current recovery. Yet, no-one doubts the courage of this brave young man who said to his girlfriend "I have to make the best of it! I have lost a number of good colleagues, I know how lucky I am, in a way".

Courage comes in many shapes and forms. The young officer walking out in front of his men so that he can detect and deal with the deadly IED's that threaten his troop is an obvious example. I can think, though, of some examples of courage nearer to home. A young friend has just endured a painful lung operation in London, a long way from home, and is facing the New Year in pain, knowing that he must move home in the first few days of 2010. Still he can find examples of how God has helped him through the surgical ordeal and is trusting Him for his future (ably assisted by his wonderful family!) Another dear friend is battling cancer that came as a complete mystery to him, his wife and children, and yet is testifying to God's amazing grace and presence with them in their trial.

And when you think of the Bible account of the first Christmas, courage came in large helpings too. Mary chose to go God's way despite the possible loss of her partner Joseph (if he failed to understand or believe her) and in the light of scorn and disdain by her community. Wise men set out from the East, facing the tyrant king Herod, and defying him, in the courage that faith always needs in order to prevail.

So, I am facing 2010 and asking God for courage. I know I may well have to endure another long period of enforced 'nil by mouth' total pancreatic rest, and probably quite a while in hospital in London. I know that the Holy Spirit is the 'spirit of boldness' and I'm looking to Him to help me. And I can say, therefore, to you, whatever you are facing, that you need to ask Him to fill you with boldness, reassure you with His unique comfort, and walk beside you as your advocate, in a courageous New Year!

Sunsets and Phoney Baloney!

2009-12-12T17:10:00.000Z

Sunset over Port Soif in Guernsey can be a magnificent affair. It often comes at the end of a great day of sunshine and blue skies, but is more often the finale to a period of moody weather or even a storm. If 'Braving the Storm' is your motto, you will, like me, regard the sunset as compensation after a tough day, and the promise of another go tomorrow. That's a great help when we face storms - just the knowledge that tomorrow is another day, and the very worst of weather will 'come to pass', likely to be replaced by something different, if not better.

It came home to me today how long it has been since my last blog. I felt sad that I have lost touch with you, and stirred to do something about it. Part of the reason for the long silence is that I have been going through a particularly bad storm. Despite the great thrill and joy of being able to preach again in November after a year out of the pulpit, the battle has raged around me, and the illness I fight has waxed and waned in its perfidious strategy designed to destroy me. (That's no exageration; take a peek at 1 Peter 5:8-9). I have made a commitment to myself and to you that I will only be honest in my blogs. No sugarry cover-ups, no religious make believe, no phoney baloney!! But then - there is only so much you can say about pain, tears, weakness, loneliness and sorrow - without boring the socks off those who read or listen. So, here are some positive things that are going on despite the storm:

God is wonderfully providing all our needs. We have not been on a salary since July 2008 and we have wanted for nothing!
We have met some really great people and are learning from how God is working in their lives.
So many people tell us that they pray for us every day - now that is amazing!
I have been kept alive through 3 major operations in the last year and several potentially dangerous attacks of acute pancreatitis.
Every day God's Word has spoken to us and is a lamp to our feet and a light to our darkened path.
Several trips to London for Diane and I have been covered by generous giving and practical love and support from others.
The sun sets daily as a reminder that God is faithful and has granted us another day.

'I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness, the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed. I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—the feeling of hitting the bottom. But there’s one other thing I remember, and remembering, I keep a grip on hope: GOD’s loyal love couldn’t have run out, his merciful love couldn’t have dried up. They’re created new every morning. How great your faithfulness! I’m sticking with GOD (I say it over and over). He’s all I’ve got left.' (Lam. 3:19-24 The Message).

God's megaphone?

2009-10-19T14:37:00.010+01:00

'Pain is God's megaphone to speak to us' was the phrase that stuck in my mind as I reached for the medicine drawer again this morning. It had been a painful night, despite huge amounts of a morphine based slow-release pain medication. Early morning found me sitting curled up on the side of the bed rocking to and fro in agony and crying out to God for relief. Despite three major surgeries in the last year my pain is no better - in fact, it's worse (wasn't there a woman in the Bible who spent all her money on doctors and didn't get well, as they only made her worse?). It was then that phrase went over in my mind like one of those 'Name That Tune' ditties. I was too sad, too tired and too jaded to even find out who said it and why.

Uncharacteristically for me, I uploaded the statement to my Facebook status and started a long list of contributions from people who know me. One from a close friend reminded me that it was C.S.Lewis who used the phrase. I ferretted around in my bookshelves and found the guilty script - the magnificant 'The Problem of Pain'. Just finding it has helped me today. I have realised my mistake. My tortured mind offered me a misquotation from the Maestro. What he in fact said was this. 'God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pain: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.' And he said it in 1940 when there was quite enough pain to go round and plenty to spare.

You wouldn't use a megaphone to speak to anyone close would you? No, nor would I. But Lewis is making several points and among them is the comparison of how much we can learn about God from our pleasures, our consciences and our pain, and obviously the pain gets the biscuit even though we want to relegate it to the bin. Also, the real target of God's megaphone is 'a deaf world'. You see, we go through stuff so that others, usually even more deaf to God's words than we might be, may catch His message through the way we trust Him, and by His grace we hold on to our faith when we want to scream and let go.

Lewis also makes the profound point (well he would wouldn't he?) that we may ignore the voice of conscience, or even the point of pleasure, 'but pain insists upon being attended to.' Wow, that's why so many people read his books. As for me, if I had a megaphone, you bet that the world would know that I'm hurting too! Mind you - I've got me blog haven't I?

Why me?

2009-09-17T18:57:00.006+01:00

'The noblest souls are the most tempted. The devil is a sportsman and likes big game. He makes the deadliest assaults on the richest natures, the finest minds, the noblest spirits.' (John Lawrence)

Welcome to the club. You may not remember when you joined. I do. I was in my mid-teens. I took my life, about the only thing of value I possessed. I gave it to God and I said 'Take my life and let it be, consecrated Lord to Thee'. That day I gave God a blank cheque. He filled it in with blood at Calvary, not my blood but His.

So now, when I feel down, in pain, useless, lonely, confused or afraid, I remember that my life is something I gave away. It's no longer mine to keep, to fret over, to barter with, to have any 'rights'. At the cross I gave up my human rights at the place where He dealt with my human wrongs. He didn't say it would be easy. He never promised a scented path up a gentle incline till I arrive at heaven's door. No. Like Winston Churchill in 1940 he spoke of tears, sweat and blood - His as well as mine. I am no longer my own, I have been bought with a price.

If you are struggling with the question 'why me?' I hope this blog will cause you to take a moment to examine the title deeds for your life too.

'Yesterday, when I said "Your will be done"
I knew not what that will of Yours would be,
What clouds would gather black across my sun,
What storms and desolation waited me;
I knew Your love would give me what was best,
And I am glad I could not know the rest'

- but I'd still do it again! Would you?

The Sound of Silence

2009-09-07T19:23:00.003+01:00

I am in an enforced, prolonged and painful period of silence. I have not preached for nearly a year, am unable to use the computer for more than about 20 minutes at a time - hence no blogs recently - and have no writing projects on the go at the moment, which is just as well, as I would be too weak and in too much pain to pursue them.

The amount of drugs needed to control my illness and manage the pain means that even my praying has taken on a new, and almost child-like complexion. I tend to 'hang around' with God rather than talk, and occasionally cry out for His mercy and a drop of relief.

The sound of silence is awe inspiring, deep with heart-hearing rhythm and womb-like feelings of getting ready for something big! And surely this 'birth' must be imminent? Can the soul bear so much travail and not bring to birth? I insist that this period must produce something in the end, even it is only the relief from pain that heaven offers.

And so - no strength left to blog. Just silence. And a God who vacated the howling wind and missed the earthquake, but showed Himself by a 'still, small voice'.

Can you hear it?

Keeping the Faith

2009-08-11T19:06:00.009+01:00

Two young women stand condemned before a court of law charged with 'apostasy' because of their faith in Christ. If found guilty the pair are facing the death penalty. Here's an account of their plight from Elam Ministries (http://www.elam.com/) 'In a dramatic session before the revolutionary court on Sunday August 9th in Tehran, Maryam Rustampoor (27) and Marzieh Amirizadeh (30) were told to recant their faith in Christ. Though great pressure was put on them, both women declared that they would not deny their faith. Maryam and Marzieh were originally arrested on March 5th , 2009 and have suffered greatly while in prison, suffering ill health, solitary confinement and interrogations for many hours while blindfolded.

On Saturday August 8, Maryam and Marzieh were summoned to appear in court on Sunday August 9 in order to hear a verdict on their case. The chief interrogator had recommended a verdict of ‘apostasy.’ However, when they arrived, no verdict was actually given. Instead, the court session focussed on the deputy prosecutor, Mr Haddad, questioning Maryam and Marzieh about their faith and telling them that they had to recant in both verbal and written form. This made it clear that in the eyes of the court, Maryam and Marzieh’s only crime is that they have converted to Christianity.' The report goes on to quote the direct appeal by Mr Hadad to the women in the courtroom, calling on them to recant their faith. They stood firm and replied, “We will not deny our faith.”

Please pray for them as they face the very real possibility of being executed or perhaps jailed for a very long time because of their faith. That's what I call 'keeping the faith'.

Mind you, there are other circumstances where we are charged with keeping the faith, that do not include a sharia courtroom. Some may face endless battles with serious ill health, or the constant terrors of the night caused by mental and also physical disease. Others feel the sting right now of bitter betrayal or family break-up, or just the pressure of going God's way rather than our own. When the years of agony roll on, as they have done in my own case for more than 13 years, will we deny our faith, or recant?

When Jesus asked his twelve disciples if they, like others, would jettison their faith and turn back from following him, Simon Peter replied 'Master, to whom would we go? You have the words of real life, eternal life. We've already committed ourselves, confidant that you are the Holy One of God'. (John 6:68)

Have we? (made that commitment?) If so it will be tested. Some may have the faith for miracles and be delivered, but it takes a precious, ultra-refined, covenant keeping love to 'keep the faith' when the price and the disappointments are piled high.

Let's pray for each other that we will keep the faith. After all, if you and I were to stand in the dock charged with being a disciple of Christ, would there be enough evidence to convict us? With Maryam and Marziah the answer is in the court record: 'Guilty as Charged!'

How about you?

'Abba, - Daddy!!'

2009-07-16T14:43:00.010+01:00

'If you took the love of all the best mothers and fathers who have ever lived in the course of human history,all their goodness, kindness, patience, fidelity, wisdom, tenderness, strength, and love and united all those qualities in a single person, that person's love would only be a faint shadow of the furious love and mercy in the heart of God the Father addressed to you and me at this moment.'

That phrase, taken from Brennan Manning's wonderful book 'The Furious Love of God our Father' (David C Cook, Grand Rapids, 2009) moves me to tears. It challenges the deepest depths of my frustration with God's will for my life, and stands as a statement of faith that kept Jesus going right up to the cross (Luke 22:42). Today, I commit myself to believe it and to accept it, despite having pain that I would not want my dog to endure, fear of a forthcoming physical assault via surgery, and the loneliness and discomfort of constant hospital admissions.

Today, like Jesus, I look up and cry 'Abba - Daddy! If you are willing, please take this cup of suffering from me; yet not my will but yours be done'.

Of Frying Pan and Fires!

2009-07-05T16:51:00.004+01:00

It has been quite some time since I blogged but a lot has been happening while I have been silent. I spent a few days as an inpatient at the UCLH hospital in London, and then another few days at the PEH hospital in Guernsey. In between those visits I have tried several times to blog, but have never got far enough before strength failed me and pain dictated a prone body position.

During the last few days we have sizzled in 33C temperatures back in central London to meet with our surgeon there. It was on the hottest day of the year so far, and in a baking hot consulting room, that we heard that the outcome of all this will be a major operation in London on the 24th July. We were quiet on the train back to the airport. Neither of us wanted to say the words that burned to be expressed, or to weep the tears that would have dried instantly even if they did begin, in that rattly old train full of sweat, rubbish, commuters and swine flu!

As the blazingly obvious begins to take hold, Diane and I have been aware that God is speaking to us. 'Did not our hearts burn within us as He spoke with us on the way?' Firstly we have been so helped by the prayers and intercession of the believers back home in Guernsey and those of you who support us around the world. Then God took me to a phrase in Jeremiah 1:12 'for I am watching over my word to perform it." Among the many precious words and promises we have received over the last 13 years of this struggle, one has stood out - 1 Peter 5:10! 'After you have suffered a little while, our God... He personally will come and pick you up... and make you stronger than ever!

Phew! Though medically speaking I am facing a long and uphill struggle, it is not down to me to fulfil God 's promises. He is watching over his word to fulfil it.

If you are burning under the blazing attacks of the devil's arrows of fire, then take heart. God is still on watch for you to see that His promises prevail.

We are So Much More!

2009-05-19T10:36:00.004+01:00

The knowledge of our true identity is a vital key to getting through the tough times in life. From a faith perspective it is important for Christians to remind themselves often of who they are in Christ. Our identity is not just what our parents, our education or our training have made us. We have a much higher and more significant identity than that.

Knowing who we are in Him makes a very real difference to our attitude towards the circumstances through which we are passing. Revelation 1:5 & 6 offers a wonderful benediction: ‘To him who loves us and has freed us from our sins by his blood and has made us to be a kingdom and priests to serve his God and Father—to him be glory and power for ever and ever! Amen.’ It says that God loves us and that he has made a kingdom and priests to serve him. That means we are not just a number in a hospital, school or anywhere else. We have royal blood in us! We are princes and princesses in the kingdom of heaven! When you accepted Jesus, He accepted you and put a royal robe around your shoulders. You have a throne beside his. You are seated with him in heavenly places, (Ephesians 2:6).

When we pass through hard times the pressure can force us to forget all this. We feel wretched, small and insignificant. Our future may be befogged by fear, while present problems loom large through the murk. What we need is a magic mirror - like the one above! God's Word, the Bible is just such a mirror. We look into it and see the state of our hearts, but we also see the greatness of what God has made us in Christ! Hold on to that when the going gets hard.(I have written much more about this in my book Storm Force: winning the battle for the mind which you can obtain by clicking on the left)

Inside every pussy cat there is a lion waiting to be set free!

Update on Opdate

2009-05-11T16:59:00.003+01:00

We have returned to Guernsey after two more trips to the University College Hospital in London and are now booked to have major corrective surgery there on 10th July (provisionally).

This is a tough time for us both because we have been through similar surgery before in 2005 at the old Middlesex Hospital and we know what is involved. It will be hard for me to face going down the steep valley of a big operation once again, but it will also be tough on Diane staying in a hotel in central London for the duration. At least we know the area well after more than 50 visits there for treatment in the last five years, and we know that a lot of you will be praying for us at that time and before.

Speaking of prayer, there are a few practical requests for prayer at this point. Please pray:

for pain to come under control (the recent celiac plexus block has not worked)
that I will not have any of the serious attacks of cholangitis prior to surgery
that the op will not spark off another acute attack of pancreatitis
that the surgery will go ahead on the due date or before
that the surgery will be successful
that God will provide the place for Diane to stay and the needed resources
that we will both keep the faith and dignify the trial by trusting God throughout.

It's great to be linked with you through the amazing network of the Web and to know that we are not alone in this ongoing nightmare. Sometimes people ask me how I go on being a Christian when so much trouble has come our way. The only answer I have for them is the words of St Peter 'where else can we turn Lord, You alone have the words of eternal life'.

If you have not yet read either of my books, 'Braving the Storm: survival tactics' or 'Storm Force: winning the battle for the mind' then click on the links to the left and get hold of a copy today.

A step beyond thanksgiving

2009-05-04T16:33:00.004+01:00

This time of the year is breathtakingly beautiful in Guernsey. Diane and I wander around the tiny lanes with eyes agog at the handiwork of our glorious creator God. The hedgerows are alive with colour, and the gorse is not only a blaze of burnished yellow, it's fragrance fills us with nostalgic impressions and heady remembrances of our youth in this lovely island.

For a Christian the effect is immediate. 'Wow, look what God has done! Praise Him!' That may not be the same for everyone, but most of us feel some sort of stirring in our hearts in the great outdoors.

But there is a step beyond that in my heart at the moment. In our church last Sunday we were looking together at the Bible's teaching about worship (you can hear it on http://www.rock.gg/). Jon told us that the first mark of true worship is intimacy with God. I remembered the New Testament Greek word means literally 'to kiss toward' or as Jonathan put it 'to turn towards as if to kiss'. Now you can experience that whether you are in a garden or a prison cell, in a church meeting or a hospital bed.

And then I recalled how Job reacted when disaster hit his life. When all his possessions were taken from him and his children were all killed, Job bowed before the Lord and worshipped. He turned his tear-stained face to kiss the God who had allowed all this to come into his life. And then I feel like saying 'Wow'! At the moment my life is blighted by acute and chronic pain and frequent hospitalisation, but I pray for the ability, by God's grace, to go beyond praising Him for the beauty of His creation, and to kiss His hand in worship.

'I worship Thee, sweet will of God,

And all Thy ways adore,

And every day I live, I long

To love Thee more and more.'

Easter Blues

2009-04-13T14:31:00.004+01:00

It's great to see the daffodils and the bluebells, and sniff the scent of gentle vanilla from the gorse bushes anouncing Spring has really sprung. And a later Easter than usual has produced glorious weather too. Time to be out and about, walking the beaches, running after the little dog, just enjoying the wonder of God's creative genius.

So what did I do? I got sick(er) and was admitted to hospital, that's what. Would you believe it? We had just enjoyed the stirring Good Friday songs and hymns with our good friends out in the country chapel at Zion Christian Fellowship, and welcomed Matthew on a brief visit with his latest girlfriend Sarah (who is an absolute delight - he couldn't have done better) and I started to boil up and yuckify into an attack of cholangitis.

There I was on Easter Day, waking up on a surgical ward to the smell of poo, wee and socks, tied to a drip pole and feeling like I had just been run over by a truck. I fumbled in my black bag to see what Diane had hastily thrown in for me, and grabbed my iPod. 'Ah good,' I thought, 'I will listen to some stirring worship songs in my earphones.' But no go, my iPod was as dead as a dodo. How did St John the Divine manage to be 'in the Spirit on the Lord's Day' without an iPod? So, I tried to tune my liitle radio for a broadcast - the batteries were flat.

Well, I thought, God's people are gathering in their millions around the earth to celebrate the risen Lord and I'm not going to let this get me down. I began just to praise Him in my heart - and then I found that He was with me! Yes - you wouldn't credit it! No iPod, no radio, no Bible, no church and me as sick as a parrott surrounded by human debris, tormented by pain and He was with me. Don't ask me how, but for a moment my faith was stirred by His presence, and a bit of His joy dripped into my arm and onward to my sore heart.

I'm not going to say it was a miracle. It was just a relief that when they came to check me out that particular storm had passed, my fevers had subsided, and though still in pain I was well enough to go home and have at least a little bit of Easter Monday with Diane. When I think about it, it just makes sense that He would want to be in a surgical ward on Easter Day. After all, if the grave could not hold Him there's no telling where He might turn up, is there?

The G21!

2009-03-30T19:34:00.003+01:00

As Barak Obama mounts the steps of his Air Force One Boeing 747 jet, and Angela Merkel prepares her VW Beetle, all to get to London for this week's summit, I am about to turn it into the G21!. Yes, I am off to London as well, and I understand that I will be staying quite close to where the US President will be staying in Regents Park. He will of course be staying at the American Ambassador's residence whereas I will sleeping on one of the benches! (joke)

The purpose of the G20 leaders is to save the world from its financial illness. My own is to seek further medical help to find the key to a sickness of a very different kind. I have been referred back to the Consultant in the hepatobiliary/pancreatic unit at the University College of London Hospital (UCLH). I have been there many times before, more than fifty, but this time I am going in possibly in a pretty low state. Pain, nausea, exhaustion and the side effects of massive medication makes it difficult for me to travel anywhere, let alone London.

So, while you pray for the G20 will you please spare a moment to pray for the G (Gaudion) 1?

Many thanks. And I'll let you know how I get on. Don't forget my new website at http://www.storm-force.info/

Storm Force

2009-03-23T14:52:00.005Z

At a time when I am feeling really unwell and so helpless, along comes the publication of my new book to cheer me up! (See my new website at www.storm-force.info) It was submitted to the editors in June of last year and has taken these months to publish, but I think the timing is just right. One of the main issues dealt with in the book is the cross and whether or not we can claim our healing as a legal right because of what Jesus did there. I also wrote the book to give courage and heart to all those who, like me, are in God's waiting room, suffering chronic illness or deep trouble and not yet healed. Like a lot of other pastors in the Pentecostal/Charismatic wing of the church I know that God can and does heal the sick. But what about when He doesn't?

How do you keep believing when time drags on with no obvious intervention by God?
What do you say to those who accuse you of not having enough faith to be healed?
How do you deal with anger?
What about guilt - when it doesn't seem to go away
What about the future - what's the long-term outlook?

I believe that Storm Force will make the difference for thousands of people in pain and for their carers, and also for those who preach to them. Like Braving the Storm before it, I am expecting to hear from people around the world whose lives will be touched by this new book. Please pray that this will be the case.

If you are in the UK or Europe, and would like to buy one, try your local Christian bookshop or go to http://www.authenticmedia.co.uk/ or you can email me at EricGaudion@hotmail.com and I will send you a copy post free for £8.99. If you can pay by PayPal then I can email you back with a clickable payment tab which you can use to pay me. Outside the EU, the book can be obtained from Amazon.com (in a short while), or let me know and I will email you the cost of postage on top of the book price.

I am really hoping that this is just the second of three books, and that the next one will be called 'After the Storm!'

Faith commended

2009-03-10T19:00:00.003Z

When faith is under fire there is no better place to go than the Word of God. From the pages of the Bible come words that sustain, strengthen us and carry us through. No superficial words here - no easy believism - no phony baloney, just enough to keep us hanging in there.

During the great trial of faith through which Diane and I are passing the scriptures have been our emergency rations every day. Even when we have been at our lowest there has always been a word in season. This morning we were really struck by this passage in Hebrews 11 - the great chapter of faith:

And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets,33 who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions,34 quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.35 Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.36 Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison.37 They were stoned; they were sawn in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and ill-treated—38 the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.39 These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

That last line really spoke to us. These biblical heroes were commended by God for their faith and yet they had not received what had been promised to them! Their basket was empty, their pain unrelieved, their hopes were unrealised. Yet, God commended their faith.

From this I draw the consolation that not all faith is 'receiving faith'. Some is just 'persevering faith' or the faith to endure. If that faith alone is yours today you have God's commendation on your life.

Struck down but not destroyed

2009-03-05T14:52:00.003Z

'Surgery was abandoned due to risk to patient's life' intoned the nurse addressing the duty consultant doing ward rounds a few days ago. I was still pretty groggy and in soaring pain (still am today) but at least I had got back to the main ward after my time in the Intensive Care Unit. What gagged me more than my circumstances was the growing realisation that I had undergone that dangerous and tricky procedure for nothing. Due to the amount of scar tissue found in my body, the surgeon worked on me for about an hour and then closed me up. Now I still have daily inescapable pancreatic pain, enough in itself to make me curl up into a foetal position and long for deliverance, and on top of that the pain of an operation, wounds, stitches and all.

So, what clever little piece of pithy prose shall I put into my blog today? That's right - none at all. I am thoroughly p****d off. Almost incoherent through weakness and absolutely clueless about what is going on in my life. Yet there is just a tiny pinprick of glow like a little firefly flickering stubbornly on at midnight in a vast dark empty African wilderness. I remember a bible passage that says, 'We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body.'

That's it then. I won't try to understand it. I'll leave that to Him. Be content just to 'carry about in my body the death of Jesus' and leave the rest in His hands. Does anybody know a good song that will cheer me up? Answers on the back of a postage stamp please.

In God's Waiting Room

2009-02-22T19:28:00.003Z

Sometimes when people ask us 'where are you these days?' we reply 'we are in God's waiting room'. This is not to be clever, just to state a fact. People with chronic health problems do spend a lot of time in waiting rooms - hospitals, doctors' surgeries, radiology departments, you name it and we've been there. They are such cold places - not because the central heating has broken down - but because people are feeling so nervous and often so unwell that they sit in silence (at least in the British culture) and almost dare you to say anything. The inevitable copies of yachting magazines and women's weeklys is about the only thing that breaks the monotony. It seems you wait for ages and then spend precious few minutes consulting with the person you need to see.

So why would I describe my experience as being in God's waiting room? Well, it's different there. In God's waiting room there are promises posted all around. 'Don't be afraid, I will be with you' and 'I am the Lord who heals you' are the type of thing. Then there are the warm and wonderful people who share the experience with you, people who are praying for you, who care about how you are feeling. Instead of mouldy mags there is the life-giving Word of God, and most amazing of all, there is constant free access to the top consultant Himself! The only thing that is the same, then, is the waiting.

The Bible says a lot about waiting. The Psalms are full of it. Look it up yourself and you'll find I'm right. God uses waiting not because He is overburdened with needs and cannot fit ours in, but because He wants to deal with our character and not just our condition. Who we are and not just how we are feeling is what is about to be operated upon.

So, we pray for patience to stay in God's waiting room for as long as He chooses. 'Wait, wait upon the Lord' is the choice we must make daily.

Here we go again!

2009-02-09T09:54:00.003Z

I can't get rid of the phrase from my mind 'Led like a lamb to the slaughter'. I do hope it is not symbolic of problems to come! Anyhow, I have now been rebooked for major surgery here in Guernsey for Friday February 27th. This is now the third attempt to get this operation done, so I am really hoping it will go ahead ok and that all will go well.

Quite a few of my friends have been coping with disappointment recently too. It is so hard when you build yourself up to expect something and get everything ready and then all your plans fall through at the last minute. It is especially tough when the fault is not your own and you feel powerless to do anything about it. As I look back on my life, though, I know that I have grown more as a person through my disappointments than through my triumphs. There have been many more of them, of course, as triumphs seem few and far between. But there is no doubt that what I am today owes more to frustration than faith, and to loss rather than gain.

There is a remarkable passage at the end of Romans chapter 8 where Paul lists all the things that go wrong for us - things on earth or in heaven or under the earth etc. None of it, however frustrating, is able to seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus. What's more, the writer describes those of us who face such overwhelming challenges as 'more than conquerors' through Christ's love.

So the last few weeks have been tough, and distinctly painful, but in God's economy they are not wasted. Here we go again then!

Cancelled at the last hurdle!

2009-02-03T18:38:00.004Z

Oh boy am I mad! It was really hard to get to the winning post today only to be cancelled at the last minute. I had spent a rough night last night worrying about today and finally managed to brave the snow and ice (Diane driving the 4X4) to get to the hospital and was directed to a bed on the ward.

Diane went off to the funeral of an old friend and I settled down for the inevitable - only it wasn't inevitable. After more than two hours this blue uniformed matron arrived. She explained that as there was no Intensive Care Unit bed available for me to use they had no alternative but to CANCEL MY OPERATION! No date for the procedure - might find out more in the morning. Disappointed beyond words, I caught a taxi home.

I do realise that it is difficult to obtain beds in the very small ICU and that I will need one for up to 3 days after this op. I suppose one can only pray that one will become free very soon, and that the special anaesthetist and surgeon will both also be available on that day to do me. 'Hope deferred makes the heart sick' says the Bible and I agree!

Please join with us in prayer that this delay will be very short indeed and that it will not be long before I can have this much needed and long awaited surgery. Thanks.

The Darkness and the Light

2009-01-22T19:26:00.004Z

'Out of the darkness I cry to You' are some words written by a man (or woman) who knew God and who knew pain. After two millennia these and similar words continue to help me as I struggle with one of the worst pains known to man - the searing internal (or should I say infernal) agony of chronic pancreatitis. Another one gives me heart - 'the darkness and light are just the same to You Lord'. That is not just a comfort when you can't sleep and yet are not free to make a noise so that you don't wake anybody else up - it also reminds me that God is just as real and just as close in the bad times as well as the good.

Today, 3,000 miles away in Washington DC, Barack Obama sat at his desk and signed the decree that declares that the imprisonment at Guantanamo Bay will end in one year from today. One day my Commander in Chief will sit at His desk and write out something similar about me and this prison cell of pain. There will come a day, and a moment when this cell door will open and I will go free. 'Please Lord, for the sake of your elect, let it be soon.'

It's been over twelve years now since this appalling pain first touched my life and ignited the war within. During my countless times in hospital and frequent brushes with death, I have become almost used to the fight. So today I just sat down and reminded myself of some stuff I needed to hear:

God's not finished with me yet
God's gifts and callings are irrevocable
Pain can't stop me praying, even if it limits the clever stuff (not a bad idea anyway)
The Bible is still true ('heaven and earth may pass away but My Word will never etc')
God is good, all the time
Jesus loves me.

The pain is dreadful, but it would be infinitely greater if I didn't know the above. Thanks to those of you who join me in my longing for healing and release. Just ask the Lord that in the meantime I will remain faithful, dignifying the trial, until he signs the executive order.

Hail the Chief!

2009-01-20T19:08:00.003Z

Millions are gathered today to express their joy at his arrival. They throng the hillsides and fill to overflowing the enormous mall in the heart of Washington DC. When he came out onto the dais they yelled and cheered like people posessed. Well, in a way they were - posessed of a new hope and a fresh impetus because of one man - Barak Obama.

It cannot be healthy to begin a new job with the kind of expectations and with the adullation that attend this man. He ascends to office with an almost God-like Messianic expectation. Things will really change now - our time has come. 'Yes, we can' declare the posters, and the cry of the multitiudes is 'You bet!'

Is it ever right to put so much store by any man or woman, however gifted or attractive they may be? Obama is just a man like you and me. He will make mistakes, and because of the size of his responsibility they will be big ones. He needs God, and he needs to surrender his life daily to God if he is to have any effect at all. He will find it hard to give due place to his family and probably even harder to resist the temptation to believe his own PR people. But he must remember his first place is to be a husband and a father, and that humility is the key to wisdom.

Rick Warren, the pastor of Saddleback Church in California set us an example today. He doesn't see eye to eye with the new White House on many issues, but he stood alongside the relatively young Obama today and prayed for him openly. So must we, but we must also resist the cult of celebrity. Barak Obama is not the Messiah - only Jesus is. From today the new President stands in need of prayer, in need of God and in need of patience and forbearance as he comes to office in what must be the most difficult of times, just before Jesus returns. When that day comes, of course, we shall really have reason to sing 'Hail to the Chief!

Disabled but not disqualified

2009-01-12T19:34:00.004Z

Martin was one of my co-patients in hospital last week. He really impressed me because of his attitude. Despite being good-looking and well-spoken, this educated man has been brought low by the disease diabetes, as a result of which he has had both his legs amputated. I was with Martin when they took his first leg off, and now four months later we were neighbours again in the same ward after they had amputated his other leg. He has suffered appalling pain, and is now beginning the realise the giant task that lies ahead of him in learning to walk again with false legs which will take some months to be manufactured and fitted. Yet he was positive and forward looking, joking that at least he had lost weight now! His goal is to get driving again, and to be able to get around just as freely as he could before he lost his limbs.

My encounter with Martin is one of those things that remind me that despite my many admissions to hospital, I am so blessed to be even as well as I am. I have to go back into the ward for major surgery on 3rd February and would appreciate your prayers for a successful outcome. Then, after that, I am to go back to London for further tests to see if the surgeons there can stop these attacks of cholangitis and pancreatitis which have put me in hospital three times in the last four months. But when I am tempted to feel sorry for myself, I remember Martin and his courage, his fortitude and faith, and decide to keep going a little longer.

You see, Martin is a sufferer from disease - but not a victim. He is in pain - but not in despair. He is disabled - but not disqualified. And I want to be like that too.

Pray for Israel

2008-12-30T19:04:00.004Z

Those of us who love Israel and care about both its past and its future are deeply concerned about current events in Gaza. These can only serve to increase tension in the region, as well as to inflame hatred in Israel's enemies and misunderstanding amongst her allies. The outrageous over-reaction in the name of self-defence appears ludicrous to onlookers. If the British government had reacted in a similar way during the struggles in Northern Ireland we would have seen the RAF bombing and killing civilians in Londonderry and parts of Belfast. The provocation of Israel is clear - their reaction is way ahead of what seems to be fair or reasonable force.

Yet, every story has at least two sides. There may well be Palestinian connivance in what is going on as the Hamas group in Gaza is the sworn enemy of the Fatah faction operating in the West Bank. Maybe some old scores are being settled within the Palestinian camp. Others are saying that the Israelis are trying to make up for their defeat at the hands of Hezbollah in Lebanon a while back by attacking their smaller brother, Hamas, now.

Whatever the political wheeler-dealing that is going on, men women and children are dying now in Gaza, swept aside by a gigantic hand of hatred, violence and counter-force. How should we pray? Here are some suggestions you might like to add to your list:

Pray for believers in Jesus on both sides of this appalling conflict that they may be true to their faith whilst not denying their cultural identity.
Pray for the innocents in Gaza and Israel who fear for their lives now.
Pray for the international aid agencies trying to bring help to the beleagured people of Gaza under this infernal pounding.
Pray for recent developments bringing reconciliation and understanding between Arab Christians and Messianic Jews which are being jeopardised by the bombardments.
Pray for the church in Israel and in Gaza.
Pray for the leaders of Israel and the Palestinian community - both secular but heavily influenced by their religious backgrounds.
Pray for peace.

'For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counsellor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and for ever. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.' Isaiah 9:6-7.

Christmas Shopping Blues

2008-12-16T18:55:00.002Z

A mum was out Christmas shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row of toys and everything else imaginable; and hearing both her children asking for everything they saw on the shelves, she finally made it to the lift with her two kids to leave the store. She was feeling what so many of us feel during this time of the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, taste all the holiday food and treats, get that perfect gift for every single person on our shopping list, not forgetting anyone on our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who sends us a card.

Finally the lift doors opened and there was already a crowd inside. She pushed her way into the lift and dragged her two kids in with her and all the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and she said, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung up and shot." From the back of the lift everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't worry we already crucified Him." For the rest of the trip down the lift was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did that, just think of how different the whole experience could be.

Christmas rejoicing

2008-12-09T19:05:00.001Z

So, just 2 weeks ago my Mum died. It was a very hard time in the months leading up to her death, and it was so difficult to watch her suffering during her long slow decline. Maybe you have a loved one going through just such a time, or have recently been bereaved, and if so, I know how you feel at the moment.

There are many tough aspects of this post-bereavement period and I really appreciate all the kindness and support that has been given to me. Maybe you will have the opportunity today to encourage or care for someone who has recently been bereaved. But the greatest encouragement I have is that because of the message of Christmas, I know that one day I will meet my Mum again.

You see, for the Christian, the sting of death has been taken away by the coming of Christ that first Christmas. He did not stay a baby, but lived a life of miracles and died on the cross for our sins. Finally, on Easter Day, he rose again from the dead, and declared that if we trust in him we will not die eternally, but will live for ever in his presence.

So I have not lost my Mum in one sense of the word, I know just where she is, - she is with the Lord, waiting for me to join her. Now that’s one reason to rejoice on Christmas Day!

Violet Gaudion (nee Smith) 1929-2008

2008-11-20T15:18:00.005Z

Born in Glasgow in November 1929 Violet (Vi) Smith was the oldest daughter of Robert Smith the Butcher in Kelvinside. Throughout the bombings of the city of Glasgow she remained at home in Lugar Drive near Bellahouston Park, where her milkman was a handsome young refugee from Guernsey, Len Gaudion.

Len and Vi were married at the Moss Park Congregational Church on 30th August 1949 and then moved to live in Guernsey. Their first son, Alan, was born in August 1950 and then Eric in 1952. Andrew joined the pack in August 1961. August seemed an important time in our household!

Mum spent the first few years of her married life at Midvale, and then at Bella Cottage in the Rue Mainguy, Vale. Here even I remember the dirt floor and outside tap, not to mention the outside loo which was just a hole in a wooden board over a pit. In 1959 Len and Vi bought the property in St Saviours which they renamed Kelvinside and set up business in the growing industry. Many hardworking years followed for Mum, working in the tomato packing shed and then with freesia and iris crops.

From 1959 on Mum was a member of the United Reformed Church at Grande Rue, St Saviours. She was baptised there in 1972 as a confession of her faith, by the minister at that time, Rev Graham Long. That's where her funeral service will be held on Friday 28th November at 11am.

Mum died this morning, 20th November, at 7.30am. It was the end of a long vigil at her side. At least we were able to pray together with her and remind ourselves of some of the good old days (and not so good!). She was a good lady - a real Scot. Sometimes she could be feisty, and when it came to her many illnesses she was a real fighter.

Good night Mum. We love you. See you in the morning.

Stepping Out

2008-11-15T16:30:00.005Z

Most of life's steps are small ones. Even the big ones are usually just a procession of smaller ones leading up to the big leap. Faith is the final step in a long line of small understandable steps that take you up to a point where you have to make a choice - do I stay here so near and yet so far - or do I leap out over the final gap in faith. All the arguments and discussions in the world can only bring us so far in our knowledge of God and His ways - the last step is the leap of faith.

For me, this week, the final step is to do with restarting my preaching ministry this weekend after a gap of quite a few months. All being well I will be preaching this Sunday and the one after at the Church on the Rock where we are now in fellowship (http://www.rock.gg/). What makes it a leap of faith for me is the amount of pain I am still experiencing and the extent of the medication that I currently still require. Even this week my doctor has increased the dose of morphine that I must take and even that does not take the pain away for long. Several small steps of recovery from major surgery have led to this, but now is the big jump! I am learning some facts about faith here:

You gotta do it alone - noone else can go there for you
It's exciting to obey God and step out where you cannot see how it can be done
It's great to exercise faith in a community of folk who love you and are cheering you on
Every step of faith - leads on to another one!
They don't get any easier as you get older!

Still, since the story of Peter walking on the water to Jesus, it has always been the case that if you want to walk on water you have got to get out ofthe boat! So, here we go, and by God's grace, I'll be here again soon to tell you how well things went.

And if you have a moment - a bit of prayer support would be welcome. Thanks!

Is the Tide Turning?

2008-10-31T11:37:00.004Z

Feathers are flying at Broadcasting House. The BBC top management are in uproar about the public's reaction to the obscene phone calls made by Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross on the late night BBC Radio 2 show hosted by Brand. Over 30,000 complaints have been recorded and even the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition have called the jape outrageous and unacceptable.

As the result of the furore both Brand and Ross have apologised publicly and in person to Andrew Sachs, the elderly actor whose telephone answerring machine received the obscene messages. Now Russell Brand has resigned from the BBC and Jonathan Ross has been suspended without pay for 3 months as a sign of the Corporation's displeasure.

Is this an early sign that the tide of public opinion about indecency on the airwaves is turning? I think it is. Both artists are well known for their wild and wacky sense of humour, and for pushing back the boundaries of what is acceptable, but maybe the licence payers have had enough.

If one effect of the outburst of national rage is that producers and editors pay more serious regard to the nature and content of their output then well and good. I have found myself increasingly sickened by the fare served up by the BBC and others broadcasters even before the so-called watershed. So much programming is built around humiliating people, mocking decency, promoting violence, murder and abusive sex. The time has come for a sea-change in British broadcasting - in fact, it is long overdue.

Messrs Brand and Ross may well have done the British public a favour. They deserve no thanks for that, but it is amazing how some good can come out of the most perverse circumstances.

The Shack - a Warning

2008-10-15T11:23:00.003+01:00

I know that by writing about the bestselling Christian novel The Shack I may possibly get more people reading it than would otherwise have done, but before you dash out and buy it as a Christmas present, I want to sound a warning.

As a writer I found the literary devices used by the author deeply dissatisfying and sometimes disturbing. The underlying idea of the kidnap and brutal murder of a Christian's little girl is distasteful. But it is in the image of God that the book presents that I have the most difficulty.

Despite the rave reviews by people like Eugene Petersen and Michael W Smith, there are those who share my deep unease with this work of fiction. A friend of mine, Pete Greasley, Senior Pastor of Christchurch, Newport, found this item on a radio broadcast from the renowned American theologian Dr. Albert Mohler, who dedicated a radio program to presenting his review of the book. He closed the radio program with these words:"...Whenever you have an issue in which you are dealing in a narrative-fictional context with theology, you need to be really, really careful. It's dangerous enough to write theology. But when you try to put it in the form of 'theological fiction,' or 'Christian fiction,' it gets all the more dangerous because you are inventing dialogue and inventing characters. And this is one of the grave, grave problems I have with this book [The Shack]. If you put God in some kind of character format-in this case as an African-American woman-you're going to be creative and create a fictional character. Now, is it responsible to do that with the God of the Bible? I have grave concerns about that, but the concerns grow more grave when you look at the dialogue imbedded within the book and the fact that this simply, by any measure, falls far short of biblical Christianity. There is very little in this book about salvation, but there is absolutely nothing in this book that would help you to understand how one comes to be made right with God through the atonement achieved by Jesus Christ, the Son. My main issue is not with the particulars of the story-in some sense a story is a story. My problem is with what is imbedded in the story and this is a danger regardless of whether the story is presented as Christian fiction or something else. Remember, everyone has a purpose in writing a story. In this case, regardless of intention (I cannot read the man's heart), I can tell you the effect of this book is deeply subversive of the Christian faith and I think inherently seductive as well."

In my view the book is not only built upon a literary device that is nothing short of trickery, but is in breech of the second commandment about creating false images of God. So - I won't be sending out free copies with my Christmas cards!

Meltdown

2008-10-08T10:42:00.004+01:00

Our tiny island of Guernsey is feeling the heat of the meltdown in global finances. Landsbanki (Guernsey) Ltd was placed into court administration yesterday and all its assets were frozen. This means that savers and depositors cannot get their money out. This is particularly hard for them, as in Guernsey there is no depositor's rescue scheme such as exists elsewhere.

Bankers around the world are not yet throwing themselves out of upper storey windows but the situation is tough and getting worse. Guernsey is sheltered from the worst of all this because of the stability and independance of our financial institutions, but Landsbanki is, of course, an Icelandic bank.

Speaking to a Landsbanki investor yesterday he said to me that if I was preaching at the moment (I am not because of my recovery from surgery) I would certainly have plenty say! Well, that's not just because of my verbose nature, but because the Bible does say a lot about money. In fact Jesus himself spoke about finances quite a lot and there is some good advice in the scriptures for those of us feeling the pinch.

"Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal." (Matthew 6:19-20)

From the Old Testament book of Proverbs (11:28) "Whoever trusts in his riches will fall, but the righteous will thrive like a green leaf." But of course, alongside these warnings there are some amazing promises for those who trust God for their finances and honour Him with their giving. "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus"(Phil. 4:19).

So, this is a time for turning over to the Lord our worries about our financial future and choosing to trust in Him. Clearly the meltdown has not yet bottomed out, but it will do, and God's Word and His promises will remain the same.

'Serious Financial Consequences'

2008-09-29T09:38:00.003+01:00

One million people, mainly children under five and pregnant women, die every year of malaria, most of them in Africa. Now in a new development, world leaders have gathered and decided to do something about it. Result? They're going to give $3 Billion to end this scourge.

The largest slice of the new money comes from the Global Fund to fight Aids, Tuberculosis and Malaria, which has approved $1.62bn in country grants over two years and then the World Bank, which is putting $1.1bn into Africa over three years.

The Bank is focusing especially on Democratic Republic of Congo and Nigeria, where 30-40% of all malaria deaths take place. Group president Robert B Zoellick said that endemic malaria also has serious financial consequences for families.

Ah - that must the key! 'Serious financial consequences'. Never mind that a million people die per year - what is this costing the global economy?

Maybe that is why there is all the action to bail out the US banking industry to the tune of $700 Billion! And it is amazing how quickly this has been resolved. 'Serious financial consequences'

Ask not how many people die of AIDS each year, or how many are starving. Don't enquire too closely where much of the existing foreign aid ends up anyway, as the people die in third world countries and their political leaders get fatter by the day. Ask only 'are there any serious financial consequences?' Going by the fugures involved in the twin bail-outs, that's all that really matters to us anyway.

Facing your Demons

2008-09-16T20:06:00.005+01:00

It was the valley of death for me. If you have read my book Braving the Storm you will know about that. The Intensive Care Unit of my local hospital is where I have fought battles with the powers of death - and Hell! Last Wednesday I found myself there again.

The young nurse who welcomed me to the surgical ward could not have been kinder. It was her throw-away comment that gave me the eebie jeebies! 'Oh you won't be coming back here after the op, you'll be going to Intensive Care'. All at once the images of pain, humiliation, fear and near-death encounters rushed unbidden into my mind. ICU? I thought I would never have to set foot in the place again. Well, I didn't have to set foot there - my feet were firmly on the bed - but I did go there last week and I survived.

As the ICU nurse was leading my trolley back to the ward a couple of days later I said to him that the time there had been healing in more ways than one. Physically, of course, I needed to be there, and am grateful for their care after a painful big operation. Spiritually, and emotionally, my short time there taught me many lessons. Among them was the fact that sometimes, even after many years, you can't get completely free of some things until you face them.

I wouldn't have chosen to do so, especially at this low ebb in my illness. But God had other plans for me, and other business to transact in my soul. Back into the fiery furnace I needed to go. Back into the lions' den. And God was with me. He did bring me through, as He had done the first time. And you know what? I did feel His presence there, and His peace. 'Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me.'

I hadn't planned to face my demons last Wednesday morning, but it was in God's appointment book for me. Thanks to your prayers and His blessing, I am here to tell you about it.

Step up in Faith

2008-09-01T14:16:00.005+01:00

I have been reading Mike Mason's book The Gospel According to Job. It has already proved to be a real inspiration - a great read. It is helpful to me that it comes in bite-sized chunks of just a couple of pages per chapter, which is just about all I can manage in one go at the moment. It quickly becomes clear in the reading that Mike has suffered, and he has a heart for those who suffer also.

Job speaks to me. As a Bible book it is remarkable for what it does not say. No mention of Israel, of temples or tabernacles, Law or prophet. That's what makes some scholars think it might be the oldest book in the Bible - pre Abraham even. Yet I find it bang up to date with what I am going through right now.

One early lesson from Job chapter 1 is the picture of the man with all the weight of his appalling suffering bearing down on him, on his face in worship before God. 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away' he said 'may the name of the Lord be praised'. The author of the book then makes the incredible statement 'In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing'.

A preacher visited an island church recently and challenged the congregation to 'step up to a higher level of faith and claim your healing'. Some who have survived appalling circumstances, like Job, without accusing God of wrongdoing were in that meeting and struggled to step up to the new mark being set for them by the earnest young (healthy) preacher. None of them were healed that day, but then none of them needed to step up any further than where they already stood.

It may take faith to receive a miracle or to heal the sick, but it takes an even higher level of faith to look God in the eye after losing your children, your wealth, your reputation and your health and say through cracked lips and choking cry 'May the name of the Lord be praised'.

Thanks Job, and thanks Mike Mason for reminding me of that.

Once more to the breach...

2008-08-25T13:21:00.005+01:00

The open doors of the ambulance beckoned me once again. The concerned looks of the paramedics - the plastic smell of the oxygen - the disinfected cleanliness of the inside of the vehicle - here we go again! The journey to the hospital took only about 20 minutes but felt like 20 hours! Every bump and jolt made me wince with pain. Each corner left me strapped to the bed and suspended in midair as the ambulance leaned right over. I was so septic and sick that all I longed for was the hospital stay that lay ahead of me, sad eh?

Thankfully the word was getting around that I was in trouble again. As if the 46 visits to the hospital in the UK in the last four years were not enough I was being admitted as an emergency with a severe abdominal infection on top of chronic pancreatitis. People began to pray. Despite the fact that it took 3 hours of waiting in A & E and a good performance by Diane in 'tiger mode' on my behalf before the antibiotics were dripping their way into my arm, at last I had a chance to start fighting for myself.

For 24 hours I was 'on the danger list' as they say. I felt so desperately ill. Yet around the churches in Guernsey and much further afield - even as far as Australia and New Zealand - people were beginning to become aware of our great need and lift 'Eric and Diane' up once again in intercession and prayer.

Now, a week later, I am home again. Surgery awaits in the early part of September. Through it all can see the hand of God in mobilising the St John's ambulance and rescue service, and the Church of Jesus Christ emergency prayer warriors on my behalf.

Thankyou Lord!

It's Family First

2008-08-18T19:06:00.002+01:00

When it comes to ministry if things are not working at home then they are not working at all. God's servants must learn to show integrity and wholeness in their family and sexual lives if they want us to take them seriously in the pulpit. Todd Bentley is learning that to his own awful cost at this time (see letter from the Board August 15th at http://www.freshfire.ca/).

What should our response to this tragedy be?

Pray for the thousands who respectd Todd and who will be dreadfully disilliusioned

Pray for the leaders of the churches who supported the Lakeland outpouring

Pray for those who were healed during these events

Pray for Shonnah Bentley and their children

Pray for Todd to come to a sincere and godly repentance worked out in submission, humility, honesty and accountability.

And what of the Lakeland revival? Was it of God? Should we now write it off with all those 'revival police' who are gloating over Todd's fall?

I think not. Many were saved and healed through the Word and the worship. Before Todd fell I was among those saying 'don't focus on Todd Bentley, this is bigger than him'. I still say this now. God honours His Word. Healing gifts and other charismatic gifts are not an endorsement of character. Samson in the Old Testament and Corinth in the New teach us that. Thank God that this matter has come into the light so that it can be put right.

'But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us' (nor from TB).

Small but Beautiful!

2008-08-11T19:00:00.004+01:00

Having offended cat lovers everywhere by my last post I thought I would show you the little doggy I mentioned then and reveal that I am an old softie at heart really.

Paprika is smaller than most cats at 2kg - the weight of a bag of sugar. But in her heart she is as big as a Great Dane and as brave as a Mastiff! Nothing worries her except fast traffic passing nearby or the sudden slam of a car door. When big dogs come near she shows them the door. And woe betide the neighbour's cats!

My involvement with small animals doesn't end there. I have been helping out an elderly lady who was being troubled by rats in her garden. Not wanting to poison anything else out there I offered to trap them for her. Each night I have diligently set out delectable menus of bacon, banana and cheese for their delight. So far I have had two customers in my traps - both hedgehogs! These lovely creatures are no problem, but I transported them alive to a nearby nature reserve. Aww! Impressive eh?

So small animals are occupying unusual amounts of time just at the moment. Is this some kind of sign? Am I being called to join the RSPCA? Mind you, I am leaving the back door open a lot just in case those missing moggis are around! Mee-ow.

That's the price but what's the value?

2008-08-03T15:40:00.010+01:00

What a surprise to read a couple of adverts in our local paper the Guernsey Press about missing cats. Don't get me wrong, we love our little dog and if she went missing we would make every effort to find her, but when I saw these ads I just wondered where this will end. £200 for a missing loved pet is one thing, but £750? I notice that in the blurb for Ginger, the more expensive of the two missing moggies, the cat has no tail. If he had one would the reward price be more - say £1000?

Diane and I were joking that now we have no salary we should get up to those areas with binoculars and a strong net and see if we could find them! It would be quite a good day's work wouldn't it? Mind you - if we found a ginger one with a tail - well we might have to make some alterations to get our money!!

Before you cat lovers get all huffy and cry 'foul!' just think for minute about the value we place on people not pets. Cats in Guernsey get fed a richer diet than children do in many parts of the world. If these two felines are worth one thousand pounds between them, how much is the Zimbabwean orphan bereaved by HIV worth?

In the heart of God even a sparrow is precious. (Sorry cats, but it's true - the Bible says so!). Yet the value of one human being, however big or small, whereever they were born, is beyond estimation. The price God was willing to pay was the death of his own dear Son. So, when He hears that one of His precious little ones is lost, He stops at nothing to redeem them. That's how much we matter to Him.

In the meantime, if you see us round the high parishes with a pair of binoculars - well, pray that we will have a 'word of knowledge' will you?

Weak but Indispensible

2008-07-12T19:10:00.004+01:00

It came as quite a shock - and just the jolt that I needed. I was feeling sorry for myself, which is not an unusual thing when I am in pain. The morphine based drugs, including Fentanyl, that I need to take just to dull the pancreatic pain, can't remove it. They also have a slight depressive effect. So I turned to the scriptures for help and encouragement, but I wasn't expecting what I got!

'The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don’t need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don’t need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable' (1 Corinthians 12:21-22).

I have had some experience of parts of the body of Christ saying to me 'We don't need you' and it has been tremendously hard to bear, especially on top of the battle already going on. What struck me so forceably was the second and last parts of the passage. Christ is the head of the Church - and He cannot say to the lowest part of the body 'I don't need you'! That is so precious when you are feeling weak and vulnerable.

But what follows, and caused me to stop and take a deep breath, was that wonderful statement that those parts of the body of Christ that seem to be weaker are indispensible! Not just necessary, nor even important, but indispensible. So if you are feeling weak, or have experienced rejection yourself, hang on to these great facts

Jesus says He needs you

You are indispensible to Him and His church

You deserve 'special honour' (vs 23)

Tragic Lesson

2008-07-07T17:06:00.004+01:00

In some parts of the UK teenagers have been shocking their communities by taking their own lives. In Bridgend, a small town in South Wales, 22 youngsters have killed themselves in the last 18 months. Now, even here in Guernsey, a 14 year old boy, close friend of someone I know, has hanged himself in despair. Tragically, his death occurred at a local beauty spot, and it is so hard to understand how such misery could be doled out in such a lovely place.

On the coffin of this young man at his humanist funeral was the insignia of a dangerous new cult - Emo. Related to the Goth phenomenon it encourages members to characterise themselves as 'emotional' and wear dark, deathly, symbols and clothes. Here's how one reporter described the movement:
The Emos - short for Emotional - regard themselves as a cool, young sub-set of the Goths.
Although the look is similar, the point of distinction, frightening for schools and parents, is a celebration of self harm.
Emos exchange competitive messages on their teenage websites about the scars on their wrists and how best to display them. Girls' secondary schools have for some time been concerned about the increase in self harm.
One governor of a famous boarding school told me that it was as serious a problem as binge drinking, but rarely discussed for fear of encouraging more girls to do it.
Although it is invariably described as a 'secret shame', there is actually a streak of exhibitionism about it.
The internet has many sites dedicated to Emo fashion (dyed black hair brushed over your face, layering, black, black, black), Emo bands (Green Day, My Chemical Romance), Emo conversation (sighing, wailing, poetry).
The Instant Emo Kit site gives advice on identity... 'show your inner despair by looking like you are too sad to eat. Obesity and emocity do not mix.'

Those of us who are parents or who care about young people need to know about this movement and be warned. If we see signs of it we shouldn't be indifferent or see it as just another passing phase. You can't lock people away from danger but you can be there for them in their insecurity and look out for ways to share their pain. Most of all, as Christians we need to share the good news that Jesus knows our darkest thoughts and loves us more than we can know - just as we are. He also loves us too much to leave us that way.

If you know someone fascinated with Emo, pray for them and try to get alongside them - or encourage them to seek help. This virus is infecting more than just computers, and families need firewalls of faith and power to protect them.

Gems in Dark Places

2008-06-20T12:05:00.003+01:00

I have been reading Job 28 recently. In this ancient explanation of mining techniques - possibly pre-Abramic - there is one clear message. Precious things come from dark places. "There is a mine for silver and a place where gold is refined. Iron is taken from the earth, and copper is smelted from ore... sapphires come from its rocks, and its dust contains nuggets of gold." None of the animals place any value on these things, or has any idea of the potential beneath their feet. Only man - made in the image of a creator God - sees the potential and has the will and the means to excavate it.

How does this affect me? Well, I am in a dark place at the moment. After high hopes that the dreadful pancreatic pain may finally have been defeated my old enemy is back. I enjoyed 10 weeks of freedom following the celiac plexus block of early April, but now the effects of that have worn off, and I am in need of opiates again. The word 'disappointment' may be long enough, but it's not deep enough to express my feelings.

But then - God's not finished with me yet. Nor with you. Our final chapter has not been written. And out of the dark places real gems can come. Diamonds are formed under immense pressure. They only exist where conditions are dark are hostile. Their beauty comes at a price, both for them and for the one who mines them. Those of you who know your Bibles know all this already. But when I feel discouraged, I like to remind myself of this great truth. God's promises do not depend on our feelings. "I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the LORD, the God of Israel, who summons you by name."

Diamonds may be a girl's best friend, but it appears that the Almighty has an interest in them too.

Don't Write Off the Disappointed

2008-06-11T16:50:00.002+01:00

She waved her arms enthusiastically in the air. Well, who could blame her? The healing evangelist had just called out her painful condition in front of nearly 2,000 people. He had said that there was a woman present with painful osteo arthritis affecting her knees and other joints and that God was going to heal her. This use of the charisma called 'a word of knowledge' (see 1 Corinthians 12:8) is common in the healing revivals going on around the world at the moment, and especially in America. When it happens, the sufferer must surely conclude that their moment has come. God is calling them out - He must be going to heal them!

We were standing right behind her in Bill Johnson's wonderful church in Redding, California. When Bill prayed for her she went down on the floor with a thump and stayed there for a good time. When she got up the meeting went on, but those who had been prayed for were encouraged to do something that they couldn't do before. This lady tried to flex her sore knees, and nearly stumbled once more to the floor. She struggled in obvious disappointment back to her seat. Later, when Bill asked 'who has been healed tonight?' many hands went up, but not hers.

As a pastor and a fellow sufferer of chronic pain I felt very keenly for her. I praise God for the many healings taking place right now, but I want to urge people not to neglect the need of the disappointed. We need a theology of suffering alongside our theology of healing.

It will bring balance to our prayers and our comments
It will assure the disappointed that they still matter to God and to us
It will hold them in God's love while they wait for God's power

So, what was happening that night? Was God calling this lady out? What for if not for healing? Well, I suppose that in such a big crowd there may have been others who fitted the description given. It may not have been her time for healing, but it may well have been a test of her responsiveness and obedience to God. It may just have been a well-intentioned mistake. What it did do was make me determined not to neglect the disappointed in my ministry. I want to find ways of reaching out to them and to continue standing with them while they wait for God. After all, in this as in other aspects of the Christian life, whilst we may be disappointed in a ministry or a meeting or a man, Jesus should not be a disappointment. I have found that He is not, and even in the heat of the battle with pain, I have proved Him to be faithful and true.

Belgian Waffles

2008-06-04T11:56:00.004+01:00

What an absolute delight! Crunchy sweet Belgian waffles with syrup. Yum yum! Deadly but delicious. Mind you - my diet means that I could only sample one or two during my visit to Antwerp last weekend, but that was a joy. 'More Lord!' Hee hee.

The sweetness of the waffles was only matched by the fellowship I enjoyed with some wonderful people. Leo and Hazel, the pastor and his wife, are the most precious servants of God you could hope to meet. Real and loving, gentle yet determined, they have led the church through a difficult year or so. The work of the Evangelical churches in Belgium is not easy - partly due to the remnant of Catholicism in the culture, but also to the spread of secularism and materialism - but the congregation at the Philadelphia church in Antwerp is large and thriving.

I had the privilege of spending time with the leaders and also with the church. I was deeply moved by some of the great needs among the people, who are choosing to trust God in spite of their pain and disappointment. They are an example of their New Testament namesake, the Philadelphia church in Revelation 3. Jesus said of them that they had kept his commands and endured patiently. I feel that a great future is before this church, just like the 'open door' of Rev 3:8. Pray for them and for all who serve God in the challenging spiritual atmosphere of modern Belgium.

God zegene U!

Fresh Fire in Florida?

2008-05-28T17:14:00.003+01:00

Since returning from California two weeks ago I have been watching the events taking place at Lakeland Florida under the leadership of Todd Bentley. This is being televised nightly on the GOD channel via both satellite and the internet (http://www.god.tv/). Whilst I share the concerns of some who have been put off by certain aspects of the revival, it does seem to me that this is a genuine expression of the outpouring of God's Holy Spirit, and the emphasis is on healing and the manifest presence of God (they refer to it as 'the Glory'). One pastor friend of mine in Northern Ireland took his leadership team to the meetings.

'The place was immediately filled with an awesome sense of the presence of God as a team of young men began to dance to a worship song. The leader explained that the team (dancers and singers) was made up of young people whose lives had been messed because of drugs and rape etc. We then went into a time of worship that I would defy anyone to even suggest was not of God! It was truly amazing as we worshipped a truly amazing God.'

My visit to Bethel Church in Redding, California, served by Bill Johnson as Pastor, showed me the same phenomenon in a different setting. There, the revival has become systemic and is rooted in the local church. 'Seldom a week goes by' said Bill ' when we don't see at least one hundred miracles in this church'. There I could see the final outworking of what is going on in the Lakeland arena and being taken, it seems, by visitors back to churches around the globe. Local churches burning with revival fire - all of God's people full of passion for Jesus - many getting healed and saved on a regular basis - missionary teams going out from these centres with mercy missions empowered by the Spirit and God's love - the supernatural as a part of the normal Christian life.

So, I cringe at some of the things I see in Lakeland, but I refuse to throw out the baby with the bathwater. I choose instead to remember:

that Todd's obvious shortcomings are a real reminder that he is not God
that I am not his judge (neither am I God!)
that television is a very poor medium for communicating spiritual experiences, being focussed on the carnal and the outward
that I long for the presence of God however disturbing or different that may be.

As my Irish Pastor friend put it, 'As a Leadership Team we are all in total agreement that our visit to Lakeland was an awesome Spirit filled experience. It made me feel that it was better being inside the Upper Room than standing outside.' I am sure that he's right, so I pray for 'More Lord!' 'More fire, more power, more healings, more glory'!

Everything's Bigger in California!

2008-05-16T17:31:00.004+01:00

My recent silence on this site has been due to our wonderful two week visit to California! What amazing people and what a fantastic place. We have always been a bit dubious of Hollywood glitz and the image of America that it casts, but this trip has changed all that. We were enchanted by the welcome and hospitality we received, and awed by the mountain views and the natural splendour of northern California. And yes, everything does seem so much bigger there - from beefsteak to bras and from watermelons to wildernesses.

We spent the second week mostly up the mountain around Mt Shasta. At 14,000 feet, one of the high peaks of the USA and a fabulous view. The lakes and valleys of that area, together with the clean air and majestic waterfalls, make it a place probably second only to Switzerland for beauty and charm. Here it was a little cooler than in nearby Redding, where the temperatures were in the 90's F and are now well over 100.

The highlight of our time there were the two weekends we spent with Bethel church, Redding, where Bill Johnson is the pastor, and where a healing revival is taking place. There was a dynamic sense of the presence of God and definite healing miracles taking place including cancers and open wounds being healed. I received powerful prayer in their 'healing rooms' and am looking forward to seeing the outcome in my own precarious health situation.

So - things are big in the US of A - but their God is still my God, and their Bible is in my hands. The size of our bras - or our mountains - may not be as great, but Jesus said that if you have faith as small as a grain of mustard seed you can actually move mountains. So I am not discouraged, just grateful and blessed.

Election Fever

2008-04-16T17:31:00.002+01:00

On April 23rd the good citizens of Guernsey go to the polls to elect their new government. The general election takes place every four years and each candidate stands as an indepenedent, there being no political parties. Election fever is all around us now, with hustings and manifestos making bold promises and grand statements, so different from the record of achievement during the last administration. It is a bit of a big yawn, really, but it has to be done.

Sadly, in this election the turnout will not be high. I say sadly because the privilege of casting your vote is one that was dearly won by our predecessors. In Britain women chained themselves to lamposts and threw themselves under racehorses, just to win the right to vote. Elsewhere in the world the ballot box has only just replaced the bullet as the way of deciding political outcomes. The turnout in Iraqi elections was nothing hort of staggering given the amount of danger and intimidation.

So, I shall cast my vote and believe that I am making a difference - and even if not I will be honouring those who have paid the price. And speaking of paying the price - I am really praying that in another so-called election, Mugabe will go!

Now that would cure any election fever!

The Gift of Pain

2008-04-11T16:58:00.006+01:00

London was crazy! Every time we go there (and there have been a lot of times in the last four years) we come away amazed at the stress it must put on its inhabitants. Never are we more grateful to arrive back in Guernsey than we are when we have been in Central London for medical treatment. But things went well, and London is where the expertise is, so that's where we go for help.

My battle now is to overcome exhaustion and other symptoms of pancreatitis but that will be so much easier without the dreadful pain, at least for the next while. While we pray for the procedure to keep working for as long as possible, what we really long for, of course, is the healing and eradication of the underlying disease. We know God can do this, and we await His touch and timing.

In a sense there is another lesson here. Extreme pain can become your whole focus, making it diffiult to pray, to write and to even think straight. Yet the pain itself is only a symptom. Sometimes it is a very important signal that all is not well within. Leprosy sufferers lose their fingers and toes because they have no nerve endings in them to warn them of the danger caused by heat or injury. Pain can be a gift - though one that I certainly don't enjoy!

If your life is marked by pain, physical, mental, emotional, or family pain, try to look beyond it and see what God is saying about underlying issues like your relationship with Him and His love for you. I have written more about this in my book Braving the Storm, and will come to it again in the follow-up Storm Force due out later this year or early next. This is not an easy process, and one which cannot be achieved alone. But let's try to look beyond our pain and address the issues that lie within.

We may be able to see pain as a gift then. Maybe!

Relief on the Horizon

2008-04-01T19:57:00.004+01:00

Apparently the joy of banging your head against a brick wall is the relief it gives you when you stop! Relief can be exquisite and I am really praying for some. I will travel next week to the University College Hospital in London where the doctors will perform a celiac plexus block in an attempt to give me some relief from pancreatic pain. I am looking forward to it with great anticipation, as you can imagine.

My relief, however, will be as nothing compared to the great sigh of relief that would go up from millions of Zimbabweans if Mr Mugabe should actually stand down this week. After 28 years of misrule he has finally reduced his country to ruin. Despite the riches of the goldmines and the millions of acres of lush arable land that now stand idle, Zimbabwe has been transformed from being the bread basket of Southern Africa to being its begging bowl. We pray for relief for that land and for its people. It will take generations to undo the damage that he and his cronies have done.

I can only speak for the Shona people, never having worked among the Matabele (though they have suffered even more under Mr Mugabe who is a Shona). They are a wonderfully warm and kind people, well-mannered and not easily provoked, who deserve so much better than the rulers they have had in the past. We must pray that the new government, if it is gven a chance, will show a new face in African politics and turn away from the choking stench of corruption and hypocrisy that has sullied the leadership so far.

Now that would be a relief.

Tears of Pain

2008-03-27T17:31:00.003Z

This has been a particularly painful Easter for me. The pain of chronic pancreatitis can be beyond description - it has been likened to that of a heart attack but it keeps on going. I have known relief since having a celiac plexus block performed at University College hospital in London last September. The slow release deposit of local anaesthetic combined with steroids gave me three months of pain relief. Then in January it was done again, but was not quite so effective this time. It lasted for just 7 weeks, and so I am back on a drug called Fentanyl - reputed to be 80 to 100 times stronger than morphine!

Thankfully I now have a date to go into the UCL hospital (for the day) and have another one done, Tuesday April 8th. We are praying that this one will be at least as effective as the first, and perhaps even longer lasting.

I'm not ashamed to confess that this pain sometimes reduces me to tears - even if they are hidden and secret at the time. I was encouraged to discover yesterday that we humans are unique among the animals for the fact that we cry! Apparently, no other 'animal' (I don't feel like an animal even if I behave like it sometimes - and God's Word doesn't call me one) has the ability to shed tears like we do. This fact, like speech, walking on the moon and asking questions, are the marks of the Divine image in us and set us apart from the rest of creation.

Speaking of questions - I find it so comforting to recall that in the Easter story God's own Son cried out 'My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?' He knows how I feel, and has sampled the salty taste of his own tears mixed with his own incredible pain. If my tears make me unique among creation, his understanding and death in my place make him unique among the 'gods'.

God gave you those tear ducts. Don't be ashamed to use them.